"They only date losers"?

[aman]

i have watched numerous videos since my discard and i recall one woman stating that BPD women only date losers (the woman had BPD so i dont know it is was a way of getting back at an ex) . at first i found this comment hurtful and agreed with her, in hindsight, i think i believed it because of the abuse i suffered.  

 the more i think about it, how can this be true? i have more friends than her, i am more comfortable in social situations, i have a greater understanding of how the world works, i have morals and most importantly i do not have to abuse people who love me to make me feel better.

the only thing she had over me was the fact she earned £150 extra a month compared to me and worked for a large organisation in a stable role. however, she had done the same job for 10 years and did not want to progress. it is a job an 18 year old would do out of college (sixth form) and she achieves her bonus every year to raise her income.

i have also watched videos on NPD which state sufferers will work in dead end jobs and act like its is the most important job in the company. i can see where the video creator is coming from. my ex would act like a high achieving executive when in reality, all she would do is copy and paste from a spreadsheet. i bet my left bollock i could turn up to her work on monday and be able to do her job by the friday. from what she told me, it is really simple but it didnt stop her acting like she was a god amongst animals.

also, every job she has gotten was through a family member, so she really didnt have to go through the same application process and other candidates.

when i told her that my family dont beleive in nepotism she looked at me with total disgust.

my family own several businesses and i work in education, i had tried the private sector but wanted a job with satisfaction and to help others. my ex would call my family "wheeler dealers" (anyone not from the uk might need to google it) even though everything they do is 100% legal. in fact, my family receive tax breaks for employing local people and procuring local produce.

im sure its part of her illness and i wish i could stop thinking about the abuse i suffered but i still cant get my head around how she could think im a loser compared to her life.

if you want something to watch this evening search youtube for "harling pig farm" one of the worst cases of animal cruelty in the UK in recent times. the owner actually tried to blame the undercover cameraman and said he set up some of the scenes he recorded. the farm is owned by a family member of my ex and from some of the answers he gave to the media, it is apparent that he accepted not responsibility and would blame others. he killed himself 5 days after the video went public.

[Skip]

the more i think about it, how can this be true?

It's an absurd generalization. The Internet is rife with mental health non-sense.

You can watch a youtube on how to fix a garbage disposal and get good info - but mental health is filled with videos from people with no basis of experience dispensing self-serving video on ther peoples" mental health with very little reliability.

Pick your material carefully. 

[NotOverHer]

No, they definitely don't date losers. A "Loser" is a very derogatory term that may be used to describe someone with no drive, no determination, and no future, but it is still a derogatory term. I think it's quite the opposite. I think that BPDs are usually attractive people, who like to be seen with someone who would come across as a "Winner" type. It's unfortunate that whether it's a winner type or not, the BPD will still very likely break their heart and discard them.

[caughtnreleased]

I'm going to walk a fine line here and ask the question - perhaps dating a pwBPD turns someone into what someone with BPD/NPD would consider a "loser" - ie: in order to stay in a relationship with someone with BPD people normally have to give up lots of things: friends, jobs, family, self esteem, and a lot of good things in their lives due to the jealousy of a BPD and insecurity of potentially seeing their partner thriving.  To try and assuage a pwBPD some people may give up a lot of those things that make them the opposite of a loser.

So someone who has BPD may certainly end up with the perception that they only date losers, only because they do everything they can so their partner doesn't thrive (and by extension, leave an abusive relationship).

[FSTL]

... .or it's just another example of their BPD at work:

- black and white thinking that EVERYONE is a loser, and/or
- lack of self esteem... .only a loser would date me.

To take anything that a BPD says personally (no matter how hurtful) isn't necessary as it is often the work of a mentally ill mind rather than lucid, rational thinking.