Welcome!
I'm sorry for what brought you here but I'm glad you're with us. We help and support each other here. We have been in a similar situation to you. From what you have said I think you belong here; you will fit in. You will see from reading the posts here that you are far from alone.
Pushing her to go to therapy and take meds may be futile. None of us can control the actions of another, so the best thing that we can do is focus on what we have control over: our own actions.
There is a lot of information on this site that will help you achieve your goal. Learning healthier ways to communicate, not invalidate her, and ending conflict are the best places to start.
It sounds like she gave you some great information when she told you that she doesn't feel heard. That gives you a place to start and work from to help resolve some of the conflict.
To be sure, a relationship with a disordered person is hard, but not impossible. The non in the relationship has to be the emotionally strong one. What do you think is the right direction for you, and the best kind of help you hope to get here?
What aspects of her behavior do you find most difficult to deal with?
Learn all you can about BPD. There are workshops on the boards that give some good practical pointers on how to deal with communication, rages, etc. The articles are also very informative.
