What is "Detached Protector Mode"?

[thekenoshakid]

 

I've been reading what I can find about Detached Protector Mode and BPD. I was just curious if someone could elaborate a bit more on how this works... .is it simply a state where a pwBPD can look and function normally but DP shuts down ALL emotions?

Or is it situational leading to the blocking of a specific emotion for a specific situation? Ie. Something causes overwhelming anger and the DP defense kicks in and numbs just the anger, or a relationship begins to get more intimate and the DP kicks in to neutralize specifically intimate feelings?

I am assuming it's total shut down mode but I have been told that pwBPD can consciously (and unconsciously) use a defense mechanism to block specific emotions that are too intense. Thanks, guys!

[thekenoshakid]

Also, would the pwBPD be aware that they are doing this or could it cause confusion, not being able to resonate with certain emotions?

[roberto516]

Or is it situational leading to the blocking of a specific emotion for a specific situation? Ie. Something causes overwhelming anger and the DP defense kicks in and numbs just the anger, or a relationship begins to get more intimate and the DP kicks in to neutralize specifically intimate feelings?

It would make sense. When I tried to talk to her about relationship concerns or how I was feeling she would shut down. she'd sit on the bed, arms crossed, and just sit there. Even when I would ask her to tell me what she's thinking there was nothing. Honestly, she's probably the angriest person I know. But she would suppress that so that it just boiled inside of her. One of our last conversations she told me "I hate anger." It makes a lot of sense. She learned to detach from her anger. It was safe for her. A few times it did flare up and it was really evil how she would act and yell.

Just my two cents. It definitely resonates with my situation. That numb, blank look with no ability to talk about her feelings regarding "us" was probably her defense mechanism to protect herself. Because she could talk to me about her anger with other people. So I guess the relationship anger was a situation that she had to protect herself and detach. It's sad really. And she's a counselor to boot.

[Skip]

You are asking two question, I think.

What causes someone to go into DP schema.

What is does this schema look like.

I believe that it is a reaction to something that is overwhelmingly or painful.

The action is to withdraw from the situation (and people) and divert attention to something that is a safe distraction.

Its avoidance.

[once removed]

i think ive seen my father do this when my mother tries to engage him in a "serious talk".

anxiety comes over him. he deflects, nervous laughs at everything, makes light of everything. "yep okay uh huh i get it sorry" kinda stuff. push him further and he becomes more uncomfortable, defensive, may throw it back at you. its not that hes incapable of self reflection or deep conversations, but it is how he responds to confrontation.

we have a video here that will give you a basic idea of whats going on and what it looks like.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=128784.0

[thekenoshakid]

I really appreciate the replies, everyone! I'm still trying to make some sense of a recent situation that has gone down with someone close to me who dispLays VERY strong traits of BPD.
(To summerise from other threads) We've been platonic friends and work together artistically and have an extremely strong emotional connection... .I'm trying to figure out DPM to see if it applies to her behavior and it very much seems to.
I'm very attracted to her and she knows this... .much of the time she seems very robotic, detached and somewhat aloof when we are together, and then there are these times when we have these beautiful bursts of romantic exchanges that happen. We've never acted on it but much is implied between the looks and (mostly her) actions. But then, afterward, it's like she catches herself and backpedals, saying her actions were fake, etc.
I'm not a moron and can sense when someone is interested. This behavior seems odd.
I finally confronted her (with serious talk) and told her how I felt and her mood altered into this aloof, 'there's simply no romantic connection between us' kind of stance... .saying she's tried within herself but doesn't understand why she can't make that connection, asking her therapist about it... .and then when confronted about the times of closeness, she goes even more aloof and says she's an actress, etc.
I finally told her I had to distance myself because it was too confusing and painful and she immediately went from push to pull. Since I've distanced, she's been trying to make me jealous on social media w pictures of her ex (who she was HORRIBLY unhappy with), etc, posing and joking in the pics exactly like she and I used to.
It's a very confusing situation for me to say the least.

[thekenoshakid]

Sorry guys, just to reiterate, are pwBPD aware that they are in DPM or is it involuntary and could it cause confusion, not being able to generate certain emotions although they may try?

[Skip]

Sorry guys, just to reiterate, are pwBPD aware that they are in DPM or is it involuntary and could it cause confusion, not being able to generate certain emotions although they may try?

It's avoidance and self distraction - it's no different than when you do it. Are you aware that you are avoiding and self distracting per se' - probably not - you are mostly aware that you moved to a safer easier place.