Praying, Need Support

[Depression = 72% of members]

My BPD sister has a pattern (I have discussed on this board, actually) of having one or more crisis while my family is on vacation. More often than not she is invited on these vacations but chooses not to come because she knows drinking and doing illegal drugs will not be allowed.

This year, she had checked into an eating disorder program because she was very underweight and abusing laxatives. While this is not her primary issue, she was experiencing severe physical issues as a result and thus chose to seek treatment. Initially, we had been given a later discharge date and had a pre-planned vacation, however it became clear that she was getting out on the date we were leaving for our preplanned vacation over two hours away.

She spoke with her social worker and they arranged for her to begin a full day program with transportation to and from and her good friend (ex-boyfriend) was going to come by at night to hang. She felt comfortable, so we went. We knew there was trouble when we got an incoherent call from her today. She fell asleep in her program and they sent her to the ER (on-site). It turns out she added some migraine Meds back in with all of her new psychiatric Meds (regulated without knowledge of these Meds). So she took an ambien and combined it with barbituates. This is why she was stumbling around and sleeping, as well as incoherent. The ER gave her fluids, she posted on FB about being kicked out of her day program, and they said she was good to go home bc she said she was staying at my parents' house (conveniently leaving out that she had missed her planned ride and had no one at home).

She then took a Lyft and took another ambien and more barbiturates (for a 'migraine.' She did this on an empty stomach in a car with a stranger on a 40 minute ride. When he got to my parents', she was slurring her words and fell in the driveway. He called an ambulance and they determined she had OD'd on Meds. They transported her to another ER. She was slurring incoherently, changing her story constantly, and sleeping intermittently, all while waking up to demand more sleeping pills while in the throes of an overdoes.

We know all of this because my amazing mother in law went and sat with her for us, updating us on the situation. After she became more coherent, she tried to explain it away that she took the Meds on an empty stomach and didn't know it would have that effect and that it was proscribed medication. She also claimed to be going home to my parents house and gave the impression someone would be there. My mother in law corrected her and called my mom, who said she wouldn't be safe to go home; that she took medication not as proscribed; informed them that she also smoked pot; and that she wasn't allowed at their house because it was empty.

We are now waiting up for a crisis counselor to call. We are praying that we will get a long-term, involuntary commitment. The only place in our state that treats BPD is a state-run hospital and the only way to get in is through involuntary. My sister uses so many drugs and behaviors to self-Medicate and compensate for her issues. She has been through over 24 in-patient hospitalizations and more outpatient. She has been in the ICU more than once and has made more attempts on her life than I can count. I am just hoping and praying for something she doesn't want, and it makes me feel awful. I love her and just want her to see her 29th birthday. I want her to stop putting those around her in danger and I want her to be able to lead a productive life.

Has anyone else had these experiences? Please share, and pleae send prayers or good vibes. I am praying for a hospitalization to save her life.

[sisbpd]

My BPD sister has a pattern (I have discussed on this board, actually) of having one or more crisis while my family is on vacation. More often than not she is invited on these vacations but chooses not to come because she knows drinking and doing illegal drugs will not be allowed.

This year, she had checked into an eating disorder program because she was very underweight and abusing laxatives. While this is not her primary issue, she was experiencing severe physical issues as a result and thus chose to seek treatment. Initially, we had been given a later discharge date and had a pre-planned vacation, however it became clear that she was getting out on the date we were leaving for our preplanned vacation over two hours away.

She spoke with her social worker and they arranged for her to begin a full day program with transportation to and from and her good friend (ex-boyfriend) was going to come by at night to hang. She felt comfortable, so we went. We knew there was trouble when we got an incoherent call from her today. She fell asleep in her program and they sent her to the ER (on-site). It turns out she added some migraine Meds back in with all of her new psychiatric Meds (regulated without knowledge of these Meds). So she took an ambien and combined it with barbituates. This is why she was stumbling around and sleeping, as well as incoherent. The ER gave her fluids, she posted on FB about being kicked out of her day program, and they said she was good to go home bc she said she was staying at my parents' house (conveniently leaving out that she had missed her planned ride and had no one at home).

She then took a Lyft and took another ambien and more barbiturates (for a 'migraine.' She did this on an empty stomach in a car with a stranger on a 40 minute ride. When he got to my parents', she was slurring her words and fell in the driveway. He called an ambulance and they determined she had OD'd on Meds. They transported her to another ER. She was slurring incoherently, changing her story constantly, and sleeping intermittently, all while waking up to demand more sleeping pills while in the throes of an overdoes.

We know all of this because my amazing mother in law went and sat with her for us, updating us on the situation. After she became more coherent, she tried to explain it away that she took the Meds on an empty stomach and didn't know it would have that effect and that it was proscribed medication. She also claimed to be going home to my parents house and gave the impression someone would be there. My mother in law corrected her and called my mom, who said she wouldn't be safe to go home; that she took medication not as proscribed; informed them that she also smoked pot; and that she wasn't allowed at their house because it was empty.

We are now waiting up for a crisis counselor to call. We are praying that we will get a long-term, involuntary commitment. The only place in our state that treats BPD is a state-run hospital and the only way to get in is through involuntary. My sister uses so many drugs and behaviors to self-Medicate and compensate for her issues. She has been through over 24 in-patient hospitalizations and more outpatient. She has been in the ICU more than once and has made more attempts on her life than I can count. I am just hoping and praying for something she doesn't want, and it makes me feel awful. I love her and just want her to see her 29th birthday. I want her to stop putting those around her in danger and I want her to be able to lead a productive life.

Has anyone else had these experiences? Please share, and pleae send prayers or good vibes. I am praying for a hospitalization to save her life.

[Notwendy]

I haven't had this same experience, but it seems my family has had some kind of issue at my celebratory events- my parents seemed to get into an argument with each other, or a sibling at my graduations. My wedding seemed to be more about my BPD mother than me. With your sister, it may be the push-pull- she resists the family vacation, then at the last minute acts out right at the time you are leaving.

I have on occasions watched Dr. Phil and while life issues aren't usually solve in hour blocks of time, he has said things that resonate with me. There was an episode about an anorexic young woman in the family. The whole family was walking on eggshells around her for fear she'd not eat, and threaten her life. Like you, there were very scared for her- they wanted her to survive and stop her dangerous behaviors.

It was Dr. Phil who sat them all down and told them they were giving her the power over them- out of their fear. Basically, she could take the center of attention through her eating habits. He pointed out how reinforcing that was to her. She had the power to take over the family plans. His best line:  "you are all lost in the woods and have chosen a disordered person to lead the way!"

I faced this when my father was ill. My mother could pick up the phone and tell me to come right away as Dad was doing poorly. For me, this took arranging a sitter for my own kids and a long drive. I had done this several times. Once I left and as soon as I got home, my mother called to tell me my father was in terrible condition and I had to come right away. So, I jumped back in the car and made the long trip back.  My father did have an infection, but the home health nurse was on her way and had already made arrangements for him to be taken care of. During these trips to supposedly help my father, he was actually getting good health care. The trips turned out to be me taking orders from my mother, driving her around, doing things she wanted me to do for her and her verbally abusing me. I realized then that the urgent call " your father needs you" was her being in control of my response out of fear that something would happen to him if I did not and, my mother was using this power to suit her own needs.

You and your family love your sister. Tough love is hard. Do you see the pattern of her making poor choices and the ability to get your family to change their plans- and focus all their attention to her- over the consequences?  Although she has addictions that are difficult for her, do you see how it may be reinforcing - enabling- by dropping everything and running to take care of her?

Although you wish no harm to her, she also makes her own poor choices. What your mother said was good " she isn't safe to go home" which left her in the hands of health care. You may be praying for something your sister doesn't want, but what she wants may not be good for her. Sometimes letting the health care team handle this is the best thing for her. Often when someone is in treatment, treatment is offered to the family as well. It's probably a fine line between caring for her and enabling.