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Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits. Practicing lawyer, Senior Family Mediator, and former Licensed Clinical Social Worker with twelve years’ experience and an expert on navigating the Family Court process.
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Author Topic: Has anyone experienced this "Harley Quinn" type effect?  (Read 1062 times)
LastSamurai

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« on: August 18, 2017, 11:01:26 AM »

Hello everyone, I haven't posted in a while. It's been one crazy and long 2017. I'm not sure if anyone has seen the film, Suicide Squad, but the relationship between Joker and Harley Quinn definitely reminded me of my marriage to my recent ex-wife. In the film, Harleen Quinzel aka Harley Quinn was Joker's psychologist. She was a sane woman until she met Joker. The more she interacted with him, the more he "rubbed off" on her. Eventually, she became as insane as he was and they were literally madly in love.

I feel like the more I was around my ex, the more I became her. I was never into BDSM, but our discussions lead to my interest in the fetish. She would bring up String Theory, Law of Attraction, Off-Grid Living, and all of these intensely-deep subjects that I never really paid attention to before I met her. I felt like before we married I wasn't getting to "know her". I felt more like I was studying her. She was like a drug. My time with her literally drove me insane. She rubbed off on me like crazy. I used to always tell her I was the Joker and she was Harley Quinn. I was a confident Alpha male before I met her and my time with her turned me into a soft Beta. I'm still recovering from such a disastrous failed marriage.

Has anyone experienced this "Harley Quinn" type effect? If so, please share.
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Harley Quinn
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« Reply #1 on: August 18, 2017, 11:53:38 AM »

Hi LastSamurai,

Firstly, I can confirm that I am not your ex as the only reference to String Theory I'd make would be in relation to the TV series The Big Bang Theory.  So panic not! 

Secondly, that would be part of the reason I chose my name for the board.  Well, that and I really like the film, the character and her wardrobe... .  So yes, I can relate.  Although I felt I was the one who was studied, there is no doubt that I became totally enmeshed.  We sort of entered our own world. 

How long has it been since your divorce and how long were you together?   

Love and light x 
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We are stars wrapped in skin.  The light you are looking for has always been within.
LastSamurai

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« Reply #2 on: August 18, 2017, 06:22:09 PM »

How long has it been since your divorce and how long were you together?
Hi Harley, it's been over two months since the divorce and we met about a year ago; married for less than two months.
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Harley Quinn
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« Reply #3 on: August 18, 2017, 06:37:21 PM »

Would you say that this effect you experienced has been something you've been through before in your life at any point (perhaps to a less extreme degree) and what do you think you've learned about yourself for having had this experience? 

Love and light x
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LastSamurai

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« Reply #4 on: August 19, 2017, 03:07:17 PM »

Would you say that this effect you experienced has been something you've been through before in your life at any point (perhaps to a less extreme degree) and what do you think you've learned about yourself for having had this experience? 
No, I've never been through this 'Harley Quinn Effect' before. I learned that I don't need anyone.
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Harley Quinn
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« Reply #5 on: August 19, 2017, 03:31:10 PM »

So it was an entirely new experience for you to become so overtaken by another.
I'm interested to know if you retain any of the interests that you absorbed during the r/s?  Would you say they became real interests to you or that you sort of got carried along with the tide? 

From what you describe, you have felt a great shift in yourself for this romantic encounter.  How are you approaching your recovery from this?  It must be quite overwhelming to feel so altered.  In my own situation following the r/s I could only really describe myself as stripped back to the bare bones of who I was before and whilst I'm filled with hope for a better future, the prospect of getting there can feel somewhat daunting at times.  A bit like being a blank canvas upon which I must repaint myself and build the layers back up.  Does any of this sound familiar?

Love and light x
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LastSamurai

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« Reply #6 on: August 19, 2017, 05:19:58 PM »

I'm interested to know if you retain any of the interests that you absorbed during the r/s?  Would you say they became real interests to you or that you sort of got carried along with the tide? 

How are you approaching your recovery from this?  Does any of this sound familiar?
No, I don't retain any of the interests that I absorbed during the r/s. They never became real interests to me. Yes, I got carried along with the tide (and drowned). A part of me died after the divorce. I'm not the same.

My approach to recovery is reading more about self improvement and accepting the fact that I willl never be in a r/s again. Never again. Yes, what you stated sounds familiar.
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Lost-love-mind
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« Reply #7 on: August 20, 2017, 12:24:05 PM »

Again, another story similar to mine with a suspected BPD with NPD tendancy.
Until I met her I never knew what "chem streams' were or why they are bad. Never knew fluoride was a neurotoxin (i researched it, yes it is). Never was cognizant of the the processed foods we eat.
Yes, after the breakup I adopted filtered water and non-GMO. Albeit, at 57, with all the alcohol and drugs I ingested, how much time is filtered water buying me? But it does taste better than tap water.
She was rich in knowledge of government conspiracy theory and we met online after realizing we were at the same pro-President rally in March. We met on a dating website and hit it off immensely quick. Ironically, she took my picture at that rally before we met. We joked she was stalking me.
She seemed really interested in Christian tradition like myself but later admitted she was into astrology. Which I fell for in discussions of our two signs and intimacy.
I'll take Christian principles over Astrology. Thank you.
I look back and realize the biggest thing I gave up during the 2 month relationship was hockey. The minor league team in my city went on to win the equivalent of the Stanley Cup. I missed the playoff run. For a die hard hockey fan, that was like giving up my soul. Which I did, if you understand the metaphor.
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wendydarling
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« Reply #8 on: August 20, 2017, 07:43:39 PM »

Hi there Last Samurai

No, I don't retain any of the interests that I absorbed during the r/s. They never became real interests to me. Yes, I got carried along with the tide (and drowned). A part of me died after the divorce. I'm not the same.

My approach to recovery is reading more about self improvement and accepting the fact that I willl never be in a r/s again. Never again.

I hear you LS and I'm sorry you are in pain,   you've been on a huge rollercoaster and it hurts, when that happens we don't feel the same as you say, that's a fact. We grieve and work forwards with understanding what happened, through our learning and self improvement leads to healing and growth, like you say is the approach to take.

What are you reading LS?  Do you have a good friend or family member to talk to for support?

WDx
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LastSamurai

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« Reply #9 on: August 21, 2017, 08:40:19 AM »

What are you reading LS?  Do you have a good friend or family member to talk to for support?

WD, I'm reading 'Think & Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. I was talking to a family member, but I decided to deal with this on my own.
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