First post. Confusion everywhere.

[Rocket46]

Well where to start. Dated this girl for 21 months, we've been broken up since mid June. She was a single mom living with her mother. Basically I've read Countless information about BPD and traits associated with it and it really sounds a lot like what I was dealing with. Basically, the breakup happened because I had a feeling something wasn't right. I surprised her at work and essentially she ran away and got in another car with another man, when I pull up next to them and say "I've been dating her for almost two years" she's hysterically screaming for him to drive. An hour later the police call me and she said that we've been broken up since December 2015 and I've been stalking her and she knows nothing about me really. She also told them she was going to lunch with her fiancé when I pulled up yelling at them. I hear nothing from her for 5 days after this and she texts and calls me and blames everything on me. Swears on her son she didn't even talk to the police she never said any of that she has no idea why they would tell me that. Says I ruined her life. There's much more she said that I found out was a lie but it's honestly too much to type and I don't want to make a huge wall of text.
She was always the victim. From the first date she told me about being abused by her moms boyfriend at a young age, her mom abandoning her and how badly all her other bfs had treated her. Whenever something happened it was neve her fault always someone else's. During fights she would run away, out to her car or just cry, really for no reason sometimes. During the start she was very into me. She liked everything I did, basically praised me and all that. Even until the day I caught her she was still telling me she would be broken when I moved off to grad school. I was the only think keeping her from moving in with her aunt hours away. How devasted she would be without me close to her. Obviously lies now. She always had some play on guilt when I asked her why she couldn't see me as often. It was always something was happening to her in her life. Her aunt was going to die. Her brother was abusive to her and she couldn't leave. Her babies father was pushing for custody and she couldn't come because she had to take care of things. There was ALWAYS a different reason. She was also very push pull and suicidal for months. Saying I was the best thing she ever had to saying I deserve better than her and she's going no where in life and I am. She would say she wanted to kill herself about every two weeks. She'd have some type of breakdown and call herself "nothing". Shed say how much she hated everything in her life and her son didn't make her happy, nothing in life made her happy etc etc.  she would get mad when I would speak logically to her. I told her to think of her son the last time this happened and she got mad, said I was pushing her deeper into depression and that's all I was doing and it was on purpose. Then she would say she's sorry, tell me she loved me and I don't deserve that and we'd go back to being ok again. She would complain about things in her life and I would try to help her to no avail. Always a reason why she couldn't follow through with things.
She was very attention needy on social media as well. Always needing validation for her looks, constantly posting selfies. She also had a problem with outburst. Not just at me but basically with anyone in her family at the drop of a hat most times.  There wasn't really anyway to calmly talk about an issue. It was either she immediately started yelling and found someway to defend herself or she would cry and then I would comfort her and she'd spppoligize and say"it's my fault I'm sorry". Which I felt like was a play for sympathy at this point.
Even through ALL this I found out a week after she stopped talking to me that she had been engaged to someone 6 years younger than her for Atleast 8 months  for a few months she told me she was renting a friends car, but it was infact her finances, Using his car to come see me, go out with me on dates, stay over at my house and see my parents. Still being intimate with me multiple
Times a week.  I just can't sense of it but reading through so much it sounds like she has some type of BPD or HPD. From one day her saying to me "goodmorning my love, I miss you so much" to 24 hours later ignoring me and blaming me for what happened. It's like she had no empathy for lying to the police and potentially ruining my grad school career. I had to show the police our txts from the night before to clear myself.  There's much more I can use as examples but I didn't wanna continue to build a wall of text longer than the one I've already made. Thank you for anyone reading this and willing to reply. It's very very confusing. I apologize if this is confusing I can try and make it more clear if anyone has problems reading it.

[Rocket46]

I guess what I'm asking is how do you understand at all the complete cutoff of someone you thought you knew. I feel like I put up with a lot of her negative emotions and constant needing help with her problems some of which might have been just lies. How do you come to accept or understand all of this?

[Emotions]

Realistically, the first 2 months were the toughest... .now I am 3 months away from the drama and it is getting better, a lot better... .I have my soul and energy back, and perspectives as well... .I still think of my ex plenty, but I am grateful for my independence and being removed from the drama... .stay strong and learn to control your thoughts as best you can. Good luck, what you wrote reminds me of what I went through, and I am doing a lot better with my understanding of my situation and you will too in time.