Silent Treatment Or A Game She's Playing

[Rosey87]

Hi guys, made a post a couple days ago explaining that my ex-girlfriend/PWBPD added me on that social media. She sent me some pictures and didn't say anything... .yet.

It's almost driving me crazy again. I was doing great but now, I feel like I'm backsliding. She will NOT talk at all. I send her a message once a day just telling her, "I hope you're having a great day." And I leave it at that.

Do people with BPD play games like this? Is this part of the silent treatment to see what I'll do in a way? How can I combat this?

I know, everyone has said, leave it alone and move on but, I can't. If this is her way of slowly wanting to fix things after our time apart, I'm willing to. Can anyone give me some advice? Thank you once again, everyone.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi Rosey87, Sorry to hear about this. I don't know your entire story, have not seen earlier posts by you. I am just taking a stab in the dark here, but is it possible that she is just doing what a lot of folks do these days... .making it possible to keep tabs on you a bit via adding you on social media? Although she sent some pics, I don't think it necessarily means she wants to communicate or do you think so? Did you pick up some kind of "message" in her photos? Was it nostalgia or tempting you back or... .? Perhaps she misses you, but is confused?

I hope it doesn't end up being like this, but could it end up as either her 1) trying to see if you are involved with someone else? 2) maintaining access to your friends to make problems for you? 3) to upset you by letting you see when/if she moves on? I would just say, be careful and protect your heart.

Try not to think of it as a "game", it is an illness that makes clear thinking and "normal" behavior extremely difficult.  If she has split you black I have to say, from what I read here, I don't get the impression they think of us in those phases. What do you think?

I dated a guy with BPD traits many years ago and he went, in the span of a week, from saying he "would never, ever break up with me" to breaking up with me. For no reason and totally out of nowhere. I would have taken him back in an instant and it took longer than I care to remember for me to finally accept he wasn't going to be in my life at all anymore ever again. It felt like a sudden death, but worse in a way because he's alive and I was just left with massive pain and questions that will never be answered. (And I know because a friend died suddenly and with that you cry, grieve, and adjust but you manage.) With this you will manage too though, despite the mountain of pain, okay? It is just a different kind of pain.

It sounds like you are willing to keep the door open to her, so part of keeping this door open will entail the pain of not knowing and hoping. Think about how hard just those emotions are for you to handle although it is painful. Now consider the amount of pain she must be dealing with not being able to maintain stable relationships and having confusing behavior and thoughts she can't get a grasp of.

For now, what can you do? Read, read, read, and watch videos and learn. If you do get back together you will need to be a really skilled communicator and an extremely understanding partner in order to deal with these issues. It is not impossible, but it takes a lot of effort.  

[Rosey87]

Hey Pearlsw, thank you for your reply. At this current moment, I have no idea what is going on. In a way, I know she has always kept tabs on me due to me finding out she has hacked all my social media months ago. What I've been doing is sending her a message in the morning and at night. I tell her have a good day and a good night. She reads them and doesn't respond. If it works that's good, if not, oh well. I just want her to know that I care and I'm here to listen.

I know in some way she misses me and is confused as well. We were together for three years and her sisters (whom I believe have BPD as well) interfered with our relationship. I made mistakes yeah, but they took it to an extreme. After all this she texted me saying she had split me black and said, "I guess I hate you now."

I'm protecting myself as much as I can. It's hard because, it would be easier if she had passed. Then I wouldn't have this hope. We had a house and everything together. I will always keep the door open to her. It sounds crazy I know, but I love her. Never have this much with anyone. Thank you again.