Introduction

[Lulu2468]

Hello, I'm not a very social person but I wanted to talk about this to somebody. I live with my family; mom, dad, older sister, younger brother, and my grandma (mom's mom). My sister has been diagnosed with BPD and a therapist my mom recently started going to thinks my grandma might have it too. That would be 2 people in the house with BPD. My sister and grandma fight with my mom all the time. All 3 of them have clinical depression. It is really hard on the family but it is hardest on my mom. She already has a hard time being happy and I don't think she can take much more. Currently my mom doesn't want my grandma living with us any more because she is in bed all day watching TV and her health is getting worse. My mom tried to get her to socialize and exercise but she doesn't. Also my mom feels like her mom doesn't care about her and she is tired of it. My mom and my sister are both trying very hard to get along and she cant handle being around my grandma. They had a big fight and my mom had a mental breakdown and was suicidal. She told my grandma to leave. She has been looking for a place to live the last couple of days but she has been living with us for 17 years. She has no money except what the government gives her and she has no where to go except a home. I have been hiding in my room not knowing what to do. I'm worried for my mom if my grandma stays and I'm worried for my grandma if she goes. I know my mom doesn't really want to kick her out she just wants her to change. I don't know if I can do anything. I want to help my family anyway I can.

[FoxC]

Hi Lulu, I won't be much of a help, but I can relate to you somehow, living in a daily chaos and wanting the best for your family members.
I live with my mom (uBPD) and I don't have my room to hide in, lately she's been really mean to me, but I still love her and want her the best.
It came up to a point were living with her is very dangerous for our healths and I myself get very dark thoughts.
So I search intensively for the ways to leave peacefully, having limited finances it's not easy, I have to wait a bit.
Meanwhile, I'm working on myself, trying to change. It's very hard, especially because my mom  doesn't like it (of course!), my boundaries (the lightest ones) drives her crazy and aggressive.

Before realizing that my mom's got BPD, I was willing to change her, but it was a work of Sisyphus ! I also tried her to get socializing, doing some physical activity, eating more healthy etc... .I realized my work is effortless.

BUT, there's one way which usually turns out positively, I'll try to explain: if I want my mother to do something healthy for herself, I must be her example. I try to keep my space (got no room, sob) very clean: floor, dishes, clothes, furniture... .excellent, then my mother would sort out the broom herself and do some housework herself. I go out do some jogging or I do some fitness at home, she would then after two days do some gentle exercise herself. I would try some health food recipes, she would then buy something healthy to eat herself the next day. These little things do good for me, but for her as well, as she often tries to copy me (it's not always fun, but it's another story). I know, the never-ending chaos drains all the energy, but we must be stronger.

And how about your dad and brother, are they supportive? I want sometimes to have a large family as yours, as living alone with a pwBPD is... .hard.

Hope hearing from you soon, good luck 

[Lulu2468]

Hello FoxC, my brother and dad are both very supportive. My dad is always trying to help when there is a fight. My brother is is a little clueless and we usually keep him out of the fights. It can be better and worse to have a big family I think. I like having people around to talk to but it is also more people to worry about. It is really hard on everybody so I am constantly worrying about their mental and physical health.
Thank you for sharing your situation with me and for the good advice. You have helped me feel stronger. It's nice to hear from someone in the same situation. I'm glad you found something that works for you and your mom. I think it's amazing you have the strength to work on changing yourself while living in chaos. I want to change too and I think I'm going to try harder.

Thank you so much! Good luck!