just starting

[cafelate]

I am a 48 year old female.  I have been seeing a therapist for many years.  She said months ago she thinks my mom is BPD & had me read stop walking on eggshells.  I could see similarities but there was not many stories of kids of BPD people.  My mom is so toxic to be around. In the past I cut her out of my life & life was good.  Well for the last 16 years that has been impossible due to my one biological son.  This situation has me so screwed up I finally decided to check out this site more.

[Kwamina]

Hi cafelate

Thanks for introducing yourself and welcome to our online community

I could see similarities but there was not many stories of kids of BPD people.

Well if you are looking for stories of children of BPD parents, I would say you have definitely come to the right place! Many of our members have a BPD parent and know how very hard this can be.

My mom is so toxic to be around. In the past I cut her out of my life & life was good.  Well for the last 16 years that has been impossible due to my one biological son.

Sometimes for our own well-being it can be necessary to really distance ourselves from our disordered family-members. Regardless of the level of contact you have, I think the crucial thing is to be able to set and enforce/defend boundaries with a disordered family-member as boundaries help us protect ourselves and preserve our well-being. What do you mean exactly when you say that for the last 16 years it has been impossible due to your one biological son? Do you perhaps mean that you remain in contact with your mother because of the relationship your son has with her or are you talking about something else?

The Board Parrot

[cafelate]

I had good relationships with 2 of my grandmas.  I wanted my son to have similar but his choices were slim.  I had to talk to her for visits etc. I felt I had to do this or suffer my son's anger if I cut him off from her as well.   As he has gotten older I've been able to let him take care of that on his own.  But with email, phone, things she says to me via son it's been hard.  At times she has had good insight cuz of their relationship & that is like a double edge sword.

[Kwamina]

Hi again cafelate,

Thanks for answering my questions. I can understand why you would want your son to also have a good relationship with his grandmother. It is sad that her behavior makes this so difficult. How does your son view your mother's behavior?

But with email, phone, things she says to me via son it's been hard.

What kind of things does your mother say to you via your son?