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Author Topic: A longer story. Unique or not?  (Read 393 times)
Unbiased

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 7


« on: August 22, 2017, 06:13:07 AM »

Hello

So this is my first post here which am writing to see if someone recoginise themselves in this situation and perhaps for some venting.

I was with a woman for 2 years. I started as the best date of my life lasting 9 hours in the night at a bench just talking ending up with a perfect first kiss. After that the drama started comming. The switching from me beeing the most loved person to the hated was fast. The mental and physical drama. The torture. I cheated on her to make her leave me because me breaking up wasnt acceptable to her. I had to respond to her violence with my own violence to make her leave me alone. She failed University and had to move to another city and another country. Thats when it was over. I ran after her only to find a person I didn't recognize. She didn't care what state I was in, she was done with me.


Now 3 years has passed with zero contact. After the breakup I left all social media to never have to see her again. I left the few friends I had and isolated myself keeping busy working 60-100 hours a week. Today I almost have no contact to other people whatsoever except at work. I think I would fit the criteria for unipolar depression.

And now recently the curiosity in me made me look her up in which I saw a picture of her. I didn't contact her but now I cant stop thinking about her. I dont understand this.She was the worst person I ever met. I am contemplating suicide and I have been since my recovery from her. I feel so ashamed of myself for how I acted while with her and how weak I feel. I never hurt anyone, I never did anyone any harm before I met her.
Time has made it better and the pain is less. But 3 years after I still can't handle to see a picture of her without getting these emotions. I am disappointed.
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happendtome
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 217


« Reply #1 on: August 22, 2017, 06:45:01 AM »

Its been months and months and months since i last talked to her and LC/NC has been almost a year. Im moving forward, but its already 1,5 years since we broke up and im still healing. I feel lot better than last year, but sometimes i get frustrated how long this recovery takes. Whats wrong with me that i keep living in the past?

I too, have isolated myself pretty much. Those few with whom i have shared my story are bored. It makes me happy and sad at the same time. Happy because it shows how minor the problem really is if nobody isnt intrested to hear it (people brake up so often nowadays), but then i feel sad - because - same thing - noone doesnt care.

So, these are the days when im stuck.
I dont think i will ever find someone again. Im not just saying this, i really do feel this way. I dont want kids, family - nothing. I only work and my hobbies are running, walking, reading.

Some scars will burn us forever.
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Unbiased

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 7


« Reply #2 on: August 22, 2017, 07:02:12 AM »

I recognize myself in alot of the things you have mentioned about you.

Every year is a little bit better and I feel stronger. But the scar is there ready to show itself whenever oppertunity shows itself.

People ask me why don't I have a girlfriend or why don't I try "tinder" or whatever fu ckapp is out there. I am not interested. I don't wanna put myself out there to be in a relationship. Time has passed so now I dont care what that person is doing but still I am left emotionally unavailable. I don't know if this is good or bad but I can't see myself have a family with wife and Children. I rather die alone.

The reason that I dwell on the past is because when it was good it was the best. Those few memories which meant so much, those moments I take with me to the grave. It all feels impossible to have that joy and feeling again.That is why when it all Went away It took so long before I could start to "move on". The fact that I isolated myself as a defencemechanism also made me more open to my brains stupid reasoning.

Beeing with such a person is addictive. It is like a drug. The love, the drama, the sex. And just like cocaine for a junkie, just like alkohol for an alcoholic some part of them crave it after 10 years of sobriety.
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Idsrvt2
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 281


« Reply #3 on: August 22, 2017, 09:50:41 AM »

I can relate.  As I type this I stand in the corner of my kitchen with tears rolling down my face, just cooked breakfast fed the cats and have a train to catch.

I miss my x more than anything lately as I was pretty reclusive before him ... .and he was the one I talked to almost daily ... .we slowly opened up to each other... .I had no clue he had a PD at all... .
My health is flaring lately... .my x was always supportive ... .he would make me laugh ... .however most of that ended as we got closer ... .
I think I'm six months out now , I dunno I lost track after the false protection order was lifted.

He still walks my streets , still delivers mail... .and ignores me like I never existed.

This scar I won't heal from... .and I'm s very strong person... .
I'm thinking of just packing up,and leaving but now that my health is bad I need to be around doctors here... .

The lack of closure and me not answering his calls haunts me ... .
I have no one... .people I talk to don't understand ... .they don't u der stand why he wasn't taken off the route even postal employees say he should have been... .

I did counciling and it helped , but didn't prepare me for this
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