The relationship was all about her and now the separation was too. She never changed.
Hi epicdaydream,
I'm sorry you're hurting so much. What you're dealing with will certainly go down as one of the most difficult things you overcome. Overcome. That's the key. The pain you are feeling will not last forever. You know your truths in what you did to try and make this relationship successful. You know the lengths to which you went in order to do what you could for her. You cannot control how she chose to react in return or how she chose to benefit the relationship and ultimate end, however, you can be proud of all you did to be honorable and deserving. As you know, BPD relationships often tend to be one-sided. It's an unfortunate truth we all so often find out too late. Don't beat yourself up over breaking NC. Try to embrace (as much as is possible right now) what came of doing so... .try to let it strengthen your resolve. Allow it to fuel your desire to get up and keep it moving.
For every negative there is a positive. Yes, you broke NC but you also found the strength to finally stop doing more than you already have for her. Now do things for yourself, focus on yourself. Like I said in the beginning of my post... .you will OVERCOME.
As for what I quoted from your post: The relationship may have been all about her but the separation is about YOU. Your freedom. As cliche as it may sound... .rise from the ashes like a phoenix. This is your new beginning!
Until then... .keep posting, keep taking care of yourself, keep leaning on the community. We are all here for you.
What are you doing now for self care?