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Author Topic: BPD Girlfriend?  (Read 508 times)
gideon019
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 2


« on: August 29, 2017, 09:38:41 AM »

Hi everyone, I'm writing here to start trying to gain more information about BPD, which my girlfriend may or may not have.

She is exhibiting the signs and a few doctors have proposed the diagnosis. She even says she is somewhat comfortable with the diagnosis herself and is currently in an intensive therapy program to tackle the past traumas and troubles she's had in her youth that perhaps have exacerbated the condition (most likely not caused it).

She recently had a dissociative meltdown where she was making accusations of rape among other suspicions that I couldn't believe actually happened or were happening. In some cases, what she is saying has some factual basis but in many cases, they seem just too extreme to be true. I don't want to discount her however or deny what she believes.

On my end, I'm trying to learn what I can do, seek guidance and support and find out how best to live a life with someone who has BPD.

From some of the anecdotes I've heard, it doesn't sound like hers is a terrible dire case, but she struggles with self harm, depression, anxiety and has some pretty severe PTSD brought about by a particularly abusive ex. She often times feels like everyone is out to get her, that I don't really love her, that she is a failure and hopeless, and so forth.

While these aren't true at all, it becomes incredibly tiring to try and adjust the lens through which she views the world on my own. I am glad that she's in this behavioral health program and will then be transitioning to a PHP (Partial Hospitalization Program) to tackle these things.

She's being incredibly brave and strong tackling her challenges head on and I, for my part, want to learn what I can do to be a better partner and help her on this journey. I have no plans to abandon or leave her (although I will admit, sometimes the thought of "what would life be like if I didn't have to go through all of these problems?" creep up but that could just as easily be a "grass is greener" thought that comes up when one is overwhelmed).

I could go on and on but don't want to take too long on this post, I know I never read anything that goes on too long thoroughly.

I think overall I'm looking for advice and tips on how to best cope with the life we have, her healing and my role in that. I'm not good at setting or maintaining boundaries or rules, I know that's something I should work on and am very open to suggestion.

Thank you all ahead of time, I look forward to learning everything that I can for the sake and health of our continued relationship Smiling (click to insert in post)
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Tattered Heart
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 1943



« Reply #1 on: August 30, 2017, 10:02:32 AM »

Welcome gideon

,

You've found a great community to help you begin working on improving your relationship. It's great that your gf is in therapy. HOpefully she can begin learning some new skills to help her.

As for her accusations of being raped, it sounds like you are taking a very balanced approach to things. Even though you may not know if it's true, to her it was real. You don't have to validate the reality of the rape, but validating the emotions she is feeling about her belief can help her see that you care.

We have a lot of great workshops and lessons the right side of the page. These lessons can help you begin to work on improving your reactions to your gf, learn more about BPD, and just general self care. To get you started here is one of our first workshops on the Dos and Don'ts of a BPD relationship:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=62266.0
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Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life Proverbs 13:12

gideon019
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 2


« Reply #2 on: August 31, 2017, 09:45:49 AM »

Thank you for the welcome 

I will definitely look into the workshop and take a look into other posts and perhaps put some more posts of my own up should I have any questions. It looks like the community as a whole is pretty responsive and I can help gain some understanding, patience and self-care methods.
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