Ex-GF Threatens to Sick the IRS on me

[nowwhatz]

It seems like I have made her so mad she is now threatening this.  I do have financial issues, many in fact due to trying to make this work, but I think I will be fine if she tries to cause trouble for me through the tax collecting agency.

This was really clever of her and it did distract me and was her response to the way I dumped her.

I did respond strongly to her threat with a promise to cause her real problems with her probation, based on facts I know about, if she wants to go to war with me.

It looks like she has turned off all social media (not just blocked me) so maybe she will just go away, we can only hope.

[Turkish]

She made threats, you made threats. It sounds like either of you can cause trouble to the other. Can you walk away from this now?

My thoughts are if she is self destructive, your retaliatory actions may not stop hers.  Sounds like it's on the verge of a vicious cycle which may cause you legal headaches. 

[unsureuncertain]

My exBPD made my life very difficult financially and caused me custody issues when I went strict NC after I stopped paying her cell phone bill. She had threatened me in the past, but I was able to diffuse the situation. I would strongly advise making peace with her and recommend LC. I learned the hard way that it would have been better to remain on neutral terms. Looking back, I should have followed my instincts rather than rely on others who didn't know her and tried to end things more amicably, even if it meant compromises on my part. People with BPD are sick and can act manipulatively and vengefully once they realize it's truly over. I hope it all works out for you.

[nowwhatz]

She made threats, you made threats. It sounds like either of you can cause trouble to the other. Can you walk away from this now?

My thoughts are if she is self destructive, your retaliatory actions may not stop hers.  Sounds like it's on the verge of a vicious cycle which may cause you legal headaches. 

I don’t know my track record with her is very bad. I haven’t followed throught with any retaliatory actions yet and frankly don’t have much time to do that. I guess I have made a total fool of myself once again. Walking away may not prevent her from trying to hurt me if she is self-destructive.  This is a disaster in almost every possible way... .I have not been hurt legally but can see how that could happen if this continues.   I have tried everything. How do I get out of this?

[nowwhatz]

My exBPD made my life very difficult financially and caused me custody issues when I went strict NC after I stopped paying her cell phone bill. She had threatened me in the past, but I was able to diffuse the situation. I would strongly advise making peace with her and recommend LC. I learned the hard way that it would have been better to remain on neutral terms. Looking back, I should have followed my instincts rather than rely on others who didn't know her and tried to end things more amicably, even if it meant compromises on my part. People with BPD are sick and can act manipulatively and vengefully once they realize it's truly over. I hope it all works out for you.

I had LC with her for a while and even a “friendship” that went over over the last 8-9 months before getting back into a relationship with her that lasted 30 days.  Interesting your was mad because of the cell phone bill, I bought a cell phone for my ex to use over the last 30 days and took it away when I ended it.  I guess I made things worse because she knew the phone contained proof of what she was doing.

You know she seemed like she was on the right meds for months and not unstable, but right after getting back into the r/s with me something changed.

For me almost 100% of the problems and aggravations began after I ended it.  The 30 day r/s was not traumatic to me and I thought I kept her on a very short leash to avoid problems for me.  Now, everything has blown up. I hope to never see her again.  Thank you for sharing your experience.

[flourdust]

Hi, nowwhatz. We often hear about threats being made by pwBPD when they are dysregulated. You know her better than we do ... .does she have a history of making threats? Does she follow through on those threats? If her history is not to follow through, then you should focus more on managing your reactions.

[nowwhatz]

Hi, nowwhatz. We often hear about threats being made by pwBPD when they are dysregulated. You know her better than we do ... .does she have a history of making threats? Does she follow through on those threats? If her history is not to follow through, then you should focus more on managing your reactions.

Flourdust no she had never made a threat before that is what had me concerned. She avoids authorities as all costs so I would think that if she followed through it would be through a surrogate. Let’s hope she doesn’t because if I am ever the subject on a nusiance investigation it will lead back to her.  I can say here without worry that I do owe taxes and report my income and make payments and should be out from under it in the next year or so.  Anyways, it does show the level of intimacy I had with her that she could come up with such a crazy angle.  We do know each others secrets and issues.

The “counter-threat” I made to her was far more worrisome than hers to me, even though I have no intention of following through. It was a self-defence act on my part, but if it has her worried and scrambling then maybe she will be less likely to try to bother me.  I have had a cell phone # for many years and after I can back up my data I will change that.

I guess I went overboard on how I treated her at the breakup and the threat was her reaction to it. I did talk to a good friend today and committed to not sending any more emails to the ex... .I am done and don’t want to focus on her.

My friend said I should consider the exgf to be dead and put a shroud over her in my mind, and never ever think about her again.  Maybe I can do that.

[flourdust]

I guess I went overboard on how I treated her at the breakup and the threat was her reaction to it. I did talk to a good friend today and committed to not sending any more emails to the ex... .I am done and don’t want to focus on her.

My friend said I should consider the exgf to be dead and put a shroud over her in my mind, and never ever think about her again.  Maybe I can do that.

It's a good idea to recognize when your own reactions make things worse, and try to control those. It sounds like that's what you want to do. Sometimes no response at all is better than any response. Other times, it can be useful to practice BIFF -- keeping responses Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm.

Do you have any entanglements with your exGF ... .kids, shared property, anything like that?

[nowwhatz]

It's a good idea to recognize when your own reactions make things worse, and try to control those. It sounds like that's what you want to do. Sometimes no response at all is better than any response. Other times, it can be useful to practice BIFF -- keeping responses Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm.

Do you have any entanglements with your exGF ... .kids, shared property, anything like that?

Flourdust,

BIFF is what I practice in business and it works very well.

The initial dumping in person was somewhat BIF... .maybe not so friendly but but I think appropriate.  Where I made is worse was not leaving it at that.

I don’t have many entanglements, I am friends with her nephew in Mexico... .but... .the history is so long (7 years) and intense, and by a total fluke coincidence her ex-husband is turned out to be one of my high school friends, so from collective populations of 3 million she was married to him (I didn’t know... .they lived out of state) and then met me later.

Everything from start to finish has been like a combination of the Twilight Zone and a TeleNovela. So while the physical entanglements are not great the always seems to be an unseen emotional entanglement that never goes away completely. Sounds crazy but maybe we are addicted to each other. Sure we can go cold turkey for months, years and then we fall back into the pit of a r/s.

Now I find myself doubting that she cheated. In any event we are bad for each other.   I have had a really fun weekend, made some new friend in a sportbike group, have an old friend returning to town and even survived a fluke motorcycle accident without a scratch today. So I suppose I am living life.

Being with her is like black and white. We are on top of the world or she is bleeding me dry. I have nothing to compare it to. Her sister just unfriended me on FB so I may have sufficiently scared the exgf away for a while.  I really feel like I burned all bridges and filled the river with sharks and aligators. She can’t come back, I don’t want her back and realize my life will be destroyed with her in it. But I have said that before.

In fact I may have been damaged irreparably by the r/s.  If not this is my last chance to turn my life around.