Unsure How to Proceed after Wife's Diagnosis

[Quandary]

I've learned recently that my wife of 22 years has BPD but she got angry and stormed out of the therapists office before he could tell her. I'm struggling, isolated but reaching out, but am hopeless if she doesn't know and not getting the right treatment. She gets violent when she rages and the effect on my kids is not good but unknown. I am considering seperating but don't want to leave my kids and feel trapped. Divorce is not an option for me due to my beliefs but am wondering if I'm strong enough to go on day by day under the same roof.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi Quandary,

I am not sure you have seen this link at the top of this board, but it is a resource they list for people who post in "Saving": https://bpdfamily.com/content/ending-conflict

I want to be careful what I say because you did not post on "Conflicted or Deciding" and you are not post-breakup.

I think you should not assume that you can't see some progress on these issues if you are willing to work on them. The lessons and information here are great! I've just started here and I am not making any demands whatsoever of my husband to admit to this (though he does sometimes) or go to therapy. I am just working on my validating and empathy and I am seeing good results from that alone so far. I think it has brought us closer together. One person really can improve a relationship sometimes.

You might want to spend some time too on the "Improving" board. I used to post here when I first showed up and was in freak out mode after my husband's frequent breakups, but I found I fit better, and got more help on the "Improving" board.

There are some great discussions going on on the boards related to dealing with wives who are violent and raging lately. See the posts of Wentworth. We are here to support you in whatever choices you make and not push you in any direction, okay? It's one of the "golden rules" that we don't tell each other to run! Take care!