Need to know I am not alone

[Acorn1974]

Good Morning,
Feeling hopeful that I found this site. I have a 20 year old son who was first diagnosed with Bipolar II at the age of 15 and has since been rediagnosed by a psychiatrist with BPD 2 years ago. He quit DBT 3 months in to the program, dropped out of college and moved to Reno. In December his father committed suicide and my son hit rock bottom (or at least convinced us he had) and we allowed him home for 6 months to get some therapy which he has still failed to do 3months in.
The manipulation, manic episodes, outbursts is ruining my home and my marriage. I have to take medication to sleep at night and fall asleep crying and wake up crying everyday. I am afraid he is going to do something to himself because he threatens all the time when he feels he is not in control or being called out on behavior. When asked to do something like clean up after himself, we usually get a "f you." His manipulation and pain has caused him almost all family relationships. He takes his Lithium occasionally.
My therapist is insisting he be removed from my home because she is worried about my health and the other kids in my home. I feel ___ty as a mom if I were to kick my mentally ill son on the streets. We can not have people in our home because we don't know how he will act. His manipulation makes me fell like I am the most horrible parent. If he won't get help what can I do? Have others had to make the tough decision of kicking their adult child out? Fear controls me of what will happen to him if I do.
He again threatened to kill himself during an argument and text the family to say good bye and he was sorry. TO me it was a viable threat and I called the policy. He was taken in as a 51/50. He told me I was psycho for calling the police because he was just mad and actually going to do it. He said it will take a long time to forgive me for putting him the hospital.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Bethel]

Hi Acorn 1974-
You are not alone.  I feel your pain.  My daughter is 22 and bi-polar and BPD.  Tough stuff. I also struggle with my sleep and with this nagging question about kicking her out.  I don't have the answers but I do have the empathy to tell you that you are not alone in your pain.  I validate it.  I'd encourage you to continue therapy for yourself . . . and to seek support.  Your health is important not just for yourself but for the rest of the family.  I don't think suicidal threats should be ignored.  I think that if he doesn't want you to call the police then he should not make threats to/in front of you . . . and I think it is good for them to know where we stand on threats.  Don't let him define you or your value.  And don't define him based on his bad days.  He is in pain, too.
I think the hardest part is seeing them not do self-care like take meds or get therapy . . . self-destruction.
This is the hard stuff of life.  Hang tough. 
I know this is hard.  I'm there, too.
Bethel