A Long Time Ago...

[blanchard]

I used to haunt this forum continuously looking for a sign that despite being developmentally stunted, my relationship would be salvageable. 

I would also wonder about the other people that transited successfully away from this world of BPD relational madness, wondering how they were cooping after the fact. 

Years later, I am now one of them. 

I remember ruminating endlessly in the old days, and prayed that I'd be reunited with her once again; prayed that she'd come to her senses, and everything would be okay once again.

The day of her coming to her sense never arrived, but the endless recycles appeared like clockwork.  So consistent that I could predict when she'd emerge +/- a few days. 

Thankfully, the day came when my senses were clear, and leaving became the only sane option. 

It's been years now, but I'll still get an occasional exploratory email from time to time.  All of them are immediately deleted. 

Anyway, friends, I'm here to confirm that all the pain and confusion surrounding these events will fade to nothing.  I went through years of utter BPD hell, so I know the intensity of that suffocating pain you are experiencing. 

Like me, and many others, you will leave all of this far behind you.

For what it is worth, my thoughts are with you tonight on your lonely journey, and I wish you all the best. 

[heartandwhole]

Hi blanchard,

It's great to hear that you are on the other side of suffering after the breakup. It can feel like a brand new world in some ways, yes? That's how it has been for me.

I can understand not wanting to respond the the occasional emails. Are they just "check-in" type of messages, like "How are you?"

I get them occasionally, too, and since I'm completely detached, I answer. Brief and friendly.

Don't know if you have any interest in getting to that point, but I wanted to share that it keeps getting better for many of us. I'm so glad you are feeling that way, too.

heartandwhole

[Harley Quinn]

Hi blanchard,

Thanks for posting this.  It's certainly good to see when someone is moved on and living their life without impact from the relationship 

Thankfully, the day came when my senses were clear, and leaving became the only sane option.

Could you elaborate on this a little for us?  What (if you can remember) do you think helped you to be in a place where your senses were clear as you describe it?

Love and light x

[sm15000]

Hi,
I have just had contact with my ex after 7 years of complete NC - I picked up the house phone and there he was on the end.
I've now received an email saying things I completely understand... .if it wasn't coming from someone with personality disorder issues,
The thing is I am OK with the contact - there is no concern from me of wanting to go back in any romantic sense - it's handling it... .seen so many failed attempts at the 'friendship' thing on here when I used to post previously!

[blanchard]

Hi blanchard,

Thanks for posting this.  It's certainly good to see when someone is moved on and living their life without impact from the relationship 

Could you elaborate on this a little for us?  What (if you can remember) do you think helped you to be in a place where your senses were clear as you describe it?

  I grew into a maturity that acknowledged that my relationship could only be sustained if I was in a fugue state, blatantly rejecting reality.  Towards the end, I could finally comprehend the severity of the disorder, and recognize that the gulf between us was insurmountable. 

  Prior to meeting her, I confess to being in some not inconsiderable torment myself; the vestiges of a less than adequate upbringing. 

  When the relationship ended, all of that anguish from my youth was silenced.  Hopefully forever.