I think I'm leaving the relationship

[nuthereggsheller]

I guess I'm just looking for a little community while I solidify this decision. 

I'm in the over-50 crowd, well-educated, normally very mentally healthy, but wow, I'm feeling really off-kilter. I don't want to give details of the situation, other than to say that I'm done with the roller coaster, and have decided that when the next BPD outburst occurs, I'm exiting stage right. It's anybody's guess when that will be. Normally it's no more than 1-2 weeks between outbursts, but we're going on just over 2 weeks and he's in the "showering with affection" stage, with no understanding of how his anger, his infidelity, and his projecting have affected me.

I feel like I'm emotionally flat-lined, trying to act as normal as possible, and just waiting for the ticking time bomb.  I think it will be a relief. 

I need a few words of encouragement for strength and clear-thinking.  Thanks.  I'm so glad this board is here.

[coworkerfriend]

I totally understand being hesitant to give a lot of details - it is an aspect of this that is always in the back of my head. 

Your description of yourself sounds like me - I used to be very mentally healthy or so I thought.  This relationship has taken a deep toll on me and I am proud of you for recognizing the need to get off the roller coaster.  The board has helped me so many times - I know what it is like to live with the waiting for the outburst. 

Post as much as you need to and know that we are here to support you every step of the way.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey eggsheller, Rather than wait for the bomb to explode, I suggest taking steps now, in advance, towards your exit strategy.  It could be something as simple as putting an overnight bag in the trunk of your car, or contacting a friend or family member about a place to stay in an emergency.  In other words, what I'm trying to say, is that you are the Captain of your own ship, not him.  It's up to you to decide what is the right path for YOU.  Does that make sense?

LuckyJIm

[Red5]

@nuthereggsheller,

"Normally it's no more than 1-2 weeks between outbursts"... .

That sounds about right, this last one was a little over due, three weeks, albeit there were flare-ups during that period, which I staved off, .was like reprimanding an unruly teenager... .but this one this last weekend... .wow, she is even talking divorce now, even has a plan, and wants me to fund it ... .I too am in the "over 50 crowd"... .I tell myself, if I live to be one hundred years old, I am halfway there, and do I want to spend the later part of my life miserable, and walking on eggshells (landmines)... .the answer is a resounding no,

I have found, that the more you act "passive aggressively", and as well "apathetic"  towards their endless outburst, snarky remarks, and personal dysregulations (attacks) towards you (me), the mark, .then the more they will rage, and then become quite destructive... .ie' launch off a mass family text message informing the rest of the clan how much of a peace of useless flotsam you are... .yes, crazy stuff.

Thank God I found this board, .it hs really helped me out, .

[nuthereggsheller]

Thanks LuckyJim and Red5.  I've been thinking about that exit strategy. Interesting thing is that we are living in MY house. I pay the mortgage. My name is the only one on the loan. 3 weeks ago after a rage, he said he was leaving and to give him a couple of days to get out.  Then he sat on the sofa all weekend and watched tv.  So, I can pack a bag and make a temporary exit, but in the end, he's the one who needs to leave. Red5, I had planned on living to 100, but at the rate I'm going now, the stress is going to kill me before I hit 60. So I hear ya. Thanks for the support, all of you!

[Lucky Jim]

You're welcome!  OK, of course the strategy will be a little different because it's your house and your name is on the mortgage, yet it still involves working on a plan to protect yourself and exit the r/s, if that's what you decide to do.  Yup, I'm in the over 50 crowd, too, after a 16-year marriage to my BPDxW.  Yes, I am familiar with the stress!  I hit bottom trying to manage it, which was not fun, believe me.

LuckyJim