Why does my ex get to be so happy? does she think of me?

[sadboi]

Hi, if you have been following my posts, you know what has transpired. If not, I don't think the specifics are important.

It's not that I do not want my ex to be happy. I want her to be happy and healthy, it just hurts to see her be with someone else. We have very recently gone no contact and I just am wondering if she even misses me. Two days before we went NC, she told me she misses me every day. Is this true? Do I even cross her mind? Was I nothing special? Will she break up with this girl eventually only to do the same, move on and find a new savior?

I am just hurting extra today, I have been having a rough time since the NC and because of other things in my life.

I don't really know if I'm split black. I feel like in the last days of us speaking, she had moments of more rapid splitting, which I've never seen from her before. When we went NC she was very angry, so maybe I am split black now. Maybe she sees me as nothing but evil.

I know this shouldn't be my focus; that instead I should be trying to focus on myself and move on. And on most days, that is what I try to do. But today I am sad and lonely and I feel unloved, and I am just so emotional that it is hard to not let my feelings take over.

[Schnurrbart]

I just got out of a very intense relationship with my exBPDgf and I am facing the same things. While my exBPDgf has not yet started dating another guy (as far as I know), I feel like this will soon be the case because this is what she did with me after she dumped her ex before getting involved with me and because this generally seems to be a thing people experience on these forums.

What I've personally done is to block my ex on everything except one medium on which we sometimes have contact. I would try to resist the urge to check up on how she is doing or how she is trying to portray herself through social media. This has helped me a lot. You definitely should try to focus on yourself, and it doesn't help seeing someone you likely loved more than anything else you've ever loved in your life be involved with some random rebound relationship partner. I'd try to stay away from that side and just let her decide the pace of interactions from now on if there are any interactions to be had at all. Personally, if my exBPDgf would be involved with another guy and I would somehow catch air of it (I  do not actively check this) I would block her on everything and never look back. But that's just me being 'old-fashioned', I guess.