Are we empaths because of our BPD parent or just born this way?

[Sprinkledinkles]

Curious if my upbringing created my empathic personality or if my empathic personality is what made my life so difficult as a child. Not to say my or your siblings grew up unscathed but in my situation we all went different directions as far as personality traits go. I am emotional and easily triggered into tears especially concerning animals then children a close second. I have children and love them to pieces and I hate to admit I'll cry over an injured or scared animal easier than seeing a human in the same predicament. Although I'm more scared when it's a person. If it's a case of the underdog I'm all for them, no matter what they did to deserve it, if they're hurting or losing a battle that means something to them I feel to my core for them. The only downfall to this is being so naive. So quick to see the good in people and believe it whole heartedly only to be proven wrong.  Even with the score bored there it's so hard to believe that someone's is trying to lie, cheat or just be plain mean. Easily see the good, emotional train wreck getting to the point of seeing the mean.

[Notwendy]

I think it is a little of both. Growing up, we had to be very aware of my mother's emotions. It was a skill we developed for survival in the family. We didn't understand what was going on, but we knew that if she was in that certain mood, there would be trouble- and what we were detecting was if she was dysregulated. We could tell in an instance. She had a certain look in her eyes, her cheeks were more flushed.

I may not be able to read minds, but I am tuned in to these subtle changes in people that reflect their emotions. The downside of this is that the co-dependent traits and childhood assumptions made from them were something I had to unlearn. I would think the person was angry at me, and it was my fault, but the person may have just been thinking about something else or had a bad day for reasons that had nothing to do with me. So while I am perceptive about other people's feelings I may misinterpret what is going on.

One of my tasks was to have better boundaries. Empathy is a good trait but co-dependency is not. I had to be both empathetic, and not feel responsible for how other people feel or take it personally.

It isn't in my nature to deliberately lie or be mean to someone, so it was hard for me to pick up these elements in others. It was a shock to realize my own mother would flat our lie to me without any remorse for doing so, but she does. I can be empathetic to her, but I also can't trust her.  She is a different person from me. She is not an empath. 

I do think we are born with different natures and personalities, and even different skills. We see this all the time. I am not a great athlete or singer. Yes, I could practice and get better,  but I would not be great at these talents but I am good at doing other things. Siblings can have different skills and personalities. They also have different vulnerabilities and resilience with family dysfunction. Birth order and gender may influence the dynamics as well.

[Turkish]

To summarize,  in short,  what Notwendy said,  I think I learned to read people early on to avoid getting smacked. 

Might be that,  or maybe who we are as people.  My mom told me that even at 4, I would focus upon and help younger kids at the pool. Since she had adopted me at 2.5, she was probably still getting to know my personality.

[Notwendy]

I have to be careful with the stories my mother tells about me as a child. They are filtered through how she saw me. She did not see me as kind or empathetic. According to her, I threw up on her floor as a toddler - on purpose. ( vs I just has a stomach ache) and refused to share a cookie with my siblings- making me mean and selfish.

I see myself as sensitive, even overly sensitive to other people. My mother's impression of me is different.