BPD Daughter's Birthday

[Wanttounderstand]

After her grandfather passed away in May, my 24 year old BPD daughter chose to leave our family and said she is never coming back. Her birthday is coming up in October and I want to reach out and tell her "Happy Birthday". I do not know how well that would be received or how to say I'm still here without alienating her. Even though it is her choice to cut all ties I'd like her to know I am always willing to be back in relationship with her. I'd love some advice on what to text to her... .Thank you.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Huat]

Hello Wanttounderstand and welcome!

I've been there so I know how hurtful it is to have a child you love so much reject you.  The "episodes" with our daughter have been many.

I would suggest just a simple card with a simple message... ."Happy Birthday... .I love you... .signed Mom" and leave it at that.  You have not forgotten her birthday.  You have reached out.  You've told her you love her.  You are not begging for reconciliation. You have not put any pressure on her to respond.  Be prepared that there may not be a response but it will have left her with something to think about.

I wish you well, Wanttounderstand.   Sometimes you just have to accept what is... .IS... .and then get on with your own life.

[Feeling Better]

Hi Wanttounderstand

Reading your post took me back to a couple of months ago when I had the same dilemma, wanting to say so much but afraid to do so. In the end I just emailed my uBPD 35yr old son 'Hi ... .I want to wish you a Happy Birthday, I hope you enjoy your day. Love Mum xxx'

I knew I wouldn't get a reply, not even 'thank you', but it still hurt.

At least you have a valid reason for contacting your daughter and it shows her that you care about her and you have not forgotten her birthday. Keep it simple.
Good luck x