Blew up in my face

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

It seems I keep jinxing myself.  I say things are going better, than poof.  I didn't know we had money to go grocery shopping last night, so when he said go to the store, I thought he was talking about today.  Rewind to two nights ago.  He stayed out till 7am hanging out with his friends drinking, when he had to work the following afternoon.  I knew he would be tired, hung over, grumpy.  He left work early taking a sick day, which is fine because he's has perfect attendance.  I did what I could to make sure the kids weren't too rowdy and gave him Tylenol and let him rest. 

He fell asleep.  I put the kids to bed and cleaned up etc.  Came to bed.  Apparently, me looking for my pillow woke him up.  Fuzzy on what happened next because it was 11pm and I was tired.  I said I was going to the store in the morning and when he realized that I didn't go that night, he blew up.  I told him that I thought I was supposed to go the next day.  I thought about telling him what I did, but knew it wouldn't matter.  All he knew is he told me to do something and I ignored him.  He carried on with his cruel horrible things he was spouting.  He turned on the lamp and said if he was going to go hungry, I wasn't going to go to sleep and if I did, he was going to wake the baby.  I thought, go ahead because I would rather much deal with the baby than you.  At least the baby likes to cuddle and doesn't hate me.  I wouldn't let him do that though.

This goes on for couple hours.  Every now and then I throw in a validation so he knows I'm listening and not asleep.  The whole time shouting in my head, don't JADE, don't excuse, just because he's saying it doesn't make it true, be careful at what you say.  Kept repeating this in my head.  Surprisingly enough, it helped me detach and almost emotionally shut down.  He threw in some scare tactics which I know he was saying to get a rise out of me or put me line or whatever.  Then he went dark with it.  Saying really cruel things.  Trying so hard to make me cry, scared, react... who knows what.  Calling me names.  Saying he was done.  Telling me I better hope he doesn't get a better job, thinking him getting a separate apartment and only coming by twice a week was punishment for me.  What job?  The jobs he wants me to apply for him.  Saying that he's thinking of finding a woman with money that wouldn't mind taking care of his kids and may sound hard, but actually isn't.  I always think it's a racket how he thinks he can replace me.  He would have to pay someone to put up with his crap and do what I do for him for free. 

Oh and how he thinks that without him that everything would fall apart.  He seems to forget I held it down for a month when he was away at jail.  If I didn't have to pay commissary and money for his phone, I would of been sitting pretty.  Did I also mention that I kept in contact with his boss enough that he still had a job when he got out?  Without his habits of buying stuff on Google Play, McDonalds almost every night, medicine that isn't cheap, I would be able to make enough money to run my household with no problem.  He threatens to leave and thinks I would fall apart without him, he seems to forget that I've already had a test run of living without him.

I understand it's the push pull, screw you before you can screw me, going to leave you before you leave me, etc.  So I'm here at work, feeling okay.  Little hurt and upset, but okay.

[Frankee]

It seems I keep jinxing myself.  I say things are going better, than poof.  I didn't know we had money to go grocery shopping last night, so when he said go to the store, I thought he was talking about today.  Rewind to two nights ago.  He stayed out till 7am hanging out with his friends drinking, when he had to work the following afternoon.  I knew he would be tired, hung over, grumpy.  He left work early taking a sick day, which is fine because he's has perfect attendance.  I did what I could to make sure the kids weren't too rowdy and gave him Tylenol and let him rest. 

He fell asleep.  I put the kids to bed and cleaned up etc.  Came to bed.  Apparently, me looking for my pillow woke him up.  Fuzzy on what happened next because it was 11pm and I was tired.  I said I was going to the store in the morning and when he realized that I didn't go that night, he blew up.  I told him that I thought I was supposed to go the next day.  I thought about telling him what I did, but knew it wouldn't matter.  All he knew is he told me to do something and I ignored him.  He carried on with his cruel horrible things he was spouting.  He turned on the lamp and said if he was going to go hungry, I wasn't going to go to sleep and if I did, he was going to wake the baby.  I thought, go ahead because I would rather much deal with the baby than you.  At least the baby likes to cuddle and doesn't hate me.  I wouldn't let him do that though.

This goes on for couple hours.  Every now and then I throw in a validation so he knows I'm listening and not asleep.  The whole time shouting in my head, don't JADE, don't excuse, just because he's saying it doesn't make it true, be careful at what you say.  Kept repeating this in my head.  Surprisingly enough, it helped me detach and almost emotionally shut down.  He threw in some scare tactics which I know he was saying to get a rise out of me or put me line or whatever.  Then he went dark with it.  Saying really cruel things.  Trying so hard to make me cry, scared, react... who knows what.  Calling me names.  Saying he was done.  Telling me I better hope he doesn't get a better job, thinking him getting a separate apartment and only coming by twice a week was punishment for me.  What job?  The jobs he wants me to apply for him.  Saying that he's thinking of finding a woman with money that wouldn't mind taking care of his kids and may sound hard, but actually isn't.  I always think it's a racket how he thinks he can replace me.  He would have to pay someone to put up with his crap and do what I do for him for free. 

Oh and how he thinks that without him that everything would fall apart.  He seems to forget I held it down for a month when he was away at jail.  If I didn't have to pay commissary and money for his phone, I would of been sitting pretty.  Did I also mention that I kept in contact with his boss enough that he still had a job when he got out?  Without his habits of buying stuff on Google Play, McDonalds almost every night, medicine that isn't cheap, I would be able to make enough money to run my household with no problem.  He threatens to leave and thinks I would fall apart without him, he seems to forget that I've already had a test run of living without him.

I understand it's the push pull, screw you before you can screw me, going to leave you before you leave me, etc.  So I'm here at work, feeling okay.  Little hurt and upset, but okay.