Recently Found Out He Cheated On Me and Not sure what to do

[Depression = 72% of members]

In a romantic relationship & have a child with someone who displays a lot of BPD symptoms. I love him and want to be as supportive as possible without sacrificing myself but I'm not sure if that's possible. Recently found out he cheated on me and overwhelmed thinking about how to handle it/if he'll do it again etc

[Drtybird56]

In a romantic relationship & have a child with someone who displays a lot of BPD symptoms. I love him and want to be as supportive as possible without sacrificing myself but I'm not sure if that's possible. Recently found out he cheated on me and overwhelmed thinking about how to handle it/if he'll do it again etc

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Radcliff]

Hello Drtybird56, you've found a good place.  I'm sorry you're facing this situation, but am glad you found us.  This is a great community.  Nobody here can tell you what the right path for you is, but we can absolutely give you lots of support, understanding, and help you learn about how to cope with things.

Can you tell us a little more about your situation, and how you came to find out about BPD?  What resources have you read?  I'm not sure if you've read the resources to the right of this page, but they are a good place to start.

Can you tell us a little about what behaviors of your partner are the most difficult right now?

Wentworth

[heartandwhole]

Hi Drtybird56,



Welcome to the community! I'm very sorry to hear that you've experienced infidelity in your relationship. That hurts so much and I can understand your feeling overwhelmed. 

As Wentworth said, you've found a great place for support. Members here understand the challenges of loving someone with BPD. You are not alone.

There are lots of tools and information you can find on this site that will help your situation. There really is hope for things to get better.

When you can, tell us a bit more about your situation. How old is your child?

Keep posting. We are here for you.

heartandwhole

[nuthereggsheller]

I'm so sorry you're going through this.  My husband also cheated on me about 9 months ago and I have been trying to slowly and calmly evaluate everything since then.  It's really hard to know what to do, and everyone's situation is different, so each person comes to a different conclusion about what decisions are right for them.  I think what has helped me the most as I sort out life is talking with a counselor.  I was able to connect with one through my employer's EAP (Employee Assistance Program).  If you or your partner have that benefit available (ask the HR department), it provides a certain number (usually 4-6) free visits to a counselor listed with their plan. You wonder if he will do it again.  The truth is, there is no way to predict that for certain.  He may not, ever.  Or he might, with the same woman or with someone else down the road.  One thing you might ask yourself is if you are okay living with the fact that he already cheated on you.  That can't be undone.  And how do you view that?  Are you open to the possibility of healing and rebuilding trust?  And if you do decide to try to work on the relationship, and your partner also wants to work together, what are your boundaries for future behavior?  These are the kinds of things a counselor can help you step through more personally, but they are things that I've been thinking about too.  It's really hard to sort out.  Just know you're not alone, and there are lots of people in the same boat with you here who can offer support.  Hang in there!