She seems "normal" now , from the outside looking in?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I can't truly say she has BPD but I've dated a dBPD before and they share many traits so my " ex " partner of a year  is a cluster b of some sort ... I've been about 2 months NC , partly by choice and necessity as she went back to an old partner ... I miss her but still remember the silent treatment , terrible push - pull , no empathy at all , replacements conveniently lined up, feeling like nothing can be done right at times (walking on egg shells)... etc etc

With all that being said she seems to now be " normal " in the conventional sense;school , studying , work , home  ? And she now lives with the ex partner/ current partner . It just seems so normal and conventional I struggle to wrap my head around it. I was at times so anxious about her " is she telling the truth" " is she being genuine?" , " she said she's here ? Is she really there?"

I was never one to play detective or go through her phone or anything like that ... but now that I KNOW for sure she lives with a guy it's so odd to me, she suddenly seems so simple, nothing mysterious about it at all.

This isn't question , mainly just me dropping my thoughts and wondering if anyone else can relate to these feelings.

Cheers.

[problemsolver]

I can't truly say she has BPD but I've dated a dBPD before and they share many traits so my " ex " partner of a year  is a cluster b of some sort ... I've been about 2 months NC , partly by choice and necessity as she went back to an old partner ... I miss her but still remember the silent treatment , terrible push - pull , no empathy at all , replacements conveniently lined up, feeling like nothing can be done right at times (walking on egg shells)... etc etc

With all that being said she seems to now be " normal " in the conventional sense;school , studying , work , home  ? And she now lives with the ex partner/ current partner . It just seems so normal and conventional I struggle to wrap my head around it. I was at times so anxious about her " is she telling the truth" " is she being genuine?" , " she said she's here ? Is she really there?"

I was never one to play detective or go through her phone or anything like that ... but now that I KNOW for sure she lives with a guy it's so odd to me, she suddenly seems so simple, nothing mysterious about it at all.

This isn't question , mainly just me dropping my thoughts and wondering if anyone else can relate to these feelings.

Cheers.

[Hisaccount]

It could be that the two of you were just not a good fit.

But more likely the answer is like anything else in life, we only see what they want us to see. My ex was excellent at that. Even her co workers were surprised she was getting a divorce, they all thought we were the perfect couple.

You can bet the turmoil has not changed and your replacement is going through the same things you were.

Ever watch a movie, like when you are forced to watch some chick flick, then stop and wonder, what would their life be like 5 years later?
Nobody wants to see that. They all want a happy ending but that is not reality. 

[MeandThee29]

Mine was a very successful professional and respected by outsiders. I used to have all kinds of people telling me what a wonderful husband he must be.

When the diagnosis was made, our immediate family wasn't all surprised. We knew the truth all along.

They can compartmentalize, believe me.