How to bring him closer to me and not to push me away

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi, I've been seeing a guy for 5yrs, I say seeing because he won't commit to anything more. At first I knew something wasn't right, maybe he had been hurt in a previous relationship and was testing me, I just kept trying to show him he could trust me. But ever time I thought we got close he would say or do something to push me away. It has been a constant roller coaster, and he has hurt me so deeply but I love him and forgive him. Then 10months ago he told me he was diagnosed with BPD, explains ALOT. I want to make it work.

[Gemini 41]

Hi, I've been seeing a guy for 5yrs, I say seeing because he won't commit to anything more. At first I knew something wasn't right, maybe he had been hurt in a previous relationship and was testing me, I just kept trying to show him he could trust me. But ever time I thought we got close he would say or do something to push me away. It has been a constant roller coaster, and he has hurt me so deeply but I love him and forgive him. Then 10months ago he told me he was diagnosed with BPD, explains ALOT. I want to make it work.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi Gemini 41,

Welcome to the family! There are a lot of great tools you can use here to help you relate to someone with BPD or BPD traits. You might like to read the Success Stories at the top of this board: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=113820.20  I've been reviewing them today and they are giving me lots of hope.

I am not sure if you have seen the Basic Tools and Lessons on the right hand side of the board yet, but there is a lot of great stuff there. One of the best basic things you can work on, many of us find, is to not be invalidating. (The Tool is: Don't be invalidating https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-dont-be-invalidating )

Let us know what you think! Is this something you'd like to try?