Anyone have a parent who DIDN'T self-harm?

[mav3rick]

So, I was reading an article about non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI), when I came across the following:

"NSSI is a particularly common symptom of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD; Klonsky, 2007; Barrocas et al., 2011). Moreover, NSSI rates in samples of those diagnosed with BPD can be as high as 90% (Zanarini et al., 2008; Baroccas et al., 2011)."

As a BPD child, this really makes me wonder... .why didn't my mother self-harm? And, do you really believe only 10% of pwBPD do not self-harm? I think it could be that those high-functioning (like my mother) are often not diagnosed correctly when and if they receive psychiatric treatment. This means only the low-functioning cases like NSSI are generally observed (or those more likely to self-destructive, not hold down jobs, etc).

I suppose I have no way of "proving" this, but that's what seems most likely to me. Only 10% still seems suspicious, anyway.

Am interested to hear anyone's thoughts and/or experiences on this... .Thank you for your help!

[Enabler]

Peonie, not sure whether or not this will help you but I found this a few months back when I was trying to stop myself going insane. As a small bit of background my uBPDw denies all knowledge of self harm when she was 15-25. I know this happened on a regular basis and I varified it with an ex-boyfriend of hers who knew her pre-university. The cuts were never deep and more like bleeding bramble scratches on her arms and inner thighs... .and it's been 15yrs since she last self harmed so the scars aren't visible. However BPD behaviours evolve, suffers do what works. Over time 80% of suffers lose many acute behaviours after the first 10yrs of onset. The link explains why:

https://www.borderlinepersonalitytreatment.com/BPD-symptoms-decrease-age.html

It may be that your mother did self harm (although many do not cut, they may self harm in other ways) but cannot remember because there are no physical reminders.

[Insom]

Does having an eating disorder count as self-harm?  I have heard it does. 

[Enabler]

Yes, very much so, my uBPDw was anorexic as well. She also abused booze (in a slightly different way to most in their teens and twenties... .ie she drank to get unconscious and then smoked dope). Anything to stop the emotional pain.  Sure some people have other examples, I know one guy who used to punch lampposts until his knuckles bled, he said that the external pain was a relief from the internal emotional pain, especially when he numbed out.

[Turkish]

My mother diagnosed herself with bulimia. She used to have noticeable weight swings over months.  Living in utter filth due to hoarding might seem like it on the surface,  but that's another thing entirely. 

[HappyChappy]

  Anyone have a parent who DIDN'T self-harm?

My mother would claim she has never self harmed (she’s perfect you know) but she had a skin complaint no one ever got to the bottom off, and would scratch her hands into a bloody mess. It never made sense that she would scratch rather than apply the creams the Dr prescribed. It makes sense now. But she was also 100% in control of our household, no one denied her, no one. Outsiders were literally scared stiff of her, she was a Which/Queen BPD on steroids with extra turbo charged rants. Very aggressive, so she never really needed to do the waif thing much. So I guess she is a top 10% I’m so proud. I’m making her a medal as we speak.

Does having an eating disorder count as self-harm?  I have heard it does. 

I have read that eating disorders are the most common aliment among children of a BPD. I understand that control underlies many eating disorders, in that that if you have overbearing parents, what you put in your mouth may be the only thing you can control. My brother and I were literally force fed. If we did not finish our plate, it went in the fridge and out the next meal. If it got mould that was just cut off. Ironically my sister was afforded options (to make us jealous) but she was the one that got bulimia.