Classic question, to chase or abandon..Anyone experience klonopin rage here too?

[BPDBuddy]

Hi Everyone,

BPDxgf

I am about 40 days of NC since my last post. Mutual friends have said I am still viewed as evil to her as of several weeks ago. I know she talks about me all the time as I have been told. This is our first breakup in our LTR. Our relationship worked well together and she was not truly awful until she started taking the klonopin as it brought out her awful symptoms in July. She's in a hermit phase I have been told.

My question is it seems she stonewalls me with the phone via texting whenever I try and initiate a conversation, which was once. I have not formally asked her to get together since the b/u. She's the most stubborn individual I know. I guess my intuition says to leave this person with their space, but she told me stories of where her past relationship she needed to be pulled out of her own way when she was detaching and was able to reconcile with her bf. A lot of her anger is still induced by klonopin, as she was trying to quit when we were cordial and I believe she's still taking, also not sure if she has been going to therapy which is paramount for her.

For example, her ex showed up at her house one of during their frequent breakups after NC and or he would invite her to lunch and she would go and they would reconcile. This is also her version, so who knows. He ended up dumping her in the end for another girl.

Obviously she's older now and seems to have painted me black after she tried to connect at the end of August and seemed to intent on fixing her problems, and I was overwhelmed with the diagnosis without the knowledge I now have. I didn't handle that situation very well. Has some comorbid NPD as well. Our relationship was very stable until her substance abuse.

I have read extensively the stories here, not sure if seeing me will trigger her moreso or possibly take away some of the rage. But I feel like if I were to simply ask her to meet she might angry at first but then OK? or would she see it as more of the same and stonewall even more. To be honest, I really have given her space and not groveled or begged for her back. Guessing her shame is why she will not see me.

I know some BPDs do prefer to be "rescued" and the common knowledge is not to chase. However, her past outlines that often she needed to be rescued during detachment. She may contact me soon as that would be the pattern, I am at standstill and want to respect her boundaries but growing impatient with the silence.

My thought was to call her (NOT text) ask her to a quick dinner tomorrow night and see what she says, or should I continue this internal tug of war with myself and protect the possibility of more stonewalling by her. I struggled with her last brush off text in September as it seemed very cryptic.

Me: "hope your doing ok, sorry I missed your call last week, give me a call sometime."

Her: immediately responded, "I'm fine, busy with work and stuff I will ttyl"

Have not heard a word since.

Maybe I triggered abandonment when I didn't answer her call?

At this point, I feel I have nothing to lose but I don't recognize her.

I appreciate any insight and I want one more shot given our first b/u and think she's worth it.

I have been doing the best I can for myself and my codependent issues.

Cheers!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

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[dreamslender]

If you have nothing to lose, I would say go for it. Honestly, I took the advice I see her a lot and gave my exBPD space right after her breakup, and missed my window. Right after she broke up with me, we were still in contact and she was still telling me she loved me and was confused. Instead of calling her or trying to work things out, I gave her space and she disassociated right into the arms of her waiting ex.

Not to say that's what will happen to you... .but in my situation, I missed my window of opportunity and I honestly do regret it. So if you have nothing left to lose and you know that she can be won over potentially, I'd give it a try.

Although don't be surprised if the meeting doesn't go as planned. It all depends where her head is at.

[BPDBuddy]

Thanks Dream, as I mentioned she's very stubborn so I feel that I may need to bridge the gap at least initially.

[DeltaBravo]

Hello BPDBuddy,

I completely understand your frustration.

My fiancé who has gone NC on me for 3 weeks now and blocked me everywhere is on the same medication with yours.

Is your ex using it for panic attacks?

My fiancé was also trying to reduce it because she wanted to get family and you can not be taking it during pregnancy.

Eventually I think it backfired majorly as she was getting more and more panic attacks even during work.

Of course after telling me she wanted to break up I was blamed for it saying that she wants the 3 years back that she spent with me and I should compensate her for making her mental situation worse. Funny thing is that she was telling me completely the opposite when she was with me.

I think you have to be ready for when you see her and ready is never enough. I understand from my relationship that there were times were my fiancé wanted to be rescued and sometimes she needed space. If I did not know which part she wanted and would trigger massive rage. Put on top of that the fact that she is medicated and it was /is a game of Russian roulette.

My guess is last time i tried to rescue when she was already done with me and I did not dodge the bullet.

Everyone’s situation is unique but do what your heart tells you and make sure you are equipped with knowledge from the forum.

I hope all the best.
God bless

[BPDBuddy]

Delta, thanks for the response. Yes, self medicating for anxiety and panic attacks, it only made it worse frankly.

I know the fits of rage all too well. We have been apart for 3 months, and she really doesn't want to socialize I guess. I feel like if I take a stab on a different route that I might make get somewhere. Otherwise, very little to lose. Unfortunately, reaching out plays into her NPD a bit but I think I need to at least try. Mind chatter keeps telling me different things.

[DeltaBravo]

Delta, thanks for the response. Yes, self medicating for anxiety and panic attacks, it only made it worse frankly.

I know the fits of rage all too well. We have been apart for 3 months, and she really doesn't want to socialize I guess. I feel like if I take a stab on a different route that I might make get somewhere. Otherwise, very little to lose. Unfortunately, reaching out plays into her NPD a bit but I think I need to at least try. Mind chatter keeps telling me different things.

Hi mate,

There is no answer is the answer sometimes.

I can say this. The withdrawal is terrible for benzodiazepines. Especially true of the Doctor is not involved in the process.

What I have learned is the process of getting such a person back is a long and hard but when it is not outcome focused followed by big asks my BPD fiancé was very receptive.

Imagine how panic attacks and anxiety must be for them compared to a normal person when they have no emotional skin. I frankly feel very sorry for them and no amount of empathy from my side would do justice to the pain they have.

Regarding the mind chatter don’t worry we all have been / still are there. It’s just the BS machine in our head. As someone said ( I have also been the culprit of this ) , we tend to fill in the blanks in our heads when we don’t know the answer to something.

She did not call me because • blank •

Then think of • blank • so feel I have to act based on what my BS machine in my head created.

Call me naive , stupid , romantic or whatever. I truly believe love ( educated love in this case ) always finds a way. ( trying to find my own as well ). How far are we willing to go and in what shape or form is the question we need to answer to ourselves.