One text won't hurt... will it?

[Pencil sketch]

I posted before, but can't find my original post.
Long story short, I am now 10 days, no contact with my ex gf, who I now believe, is BPD, or at the very least, has traits.
We were together 2 yrs, it was an LDR, and very turbulent, finished, more times, by her usually, than I care to imagine.
The cycle was always the same, things would be good, I would  visit, the last night was always fraught, she hated me leaving, and would get drunk, which upset me, I would get home, and a few days of talking, she would change, and end it.
She never gave a reason, and refused to discuss the reasons why.
She would give me the silent treatment, wait for hours before respoding to my messages, and if I ever, threw the towel in, she would then reply, asking questions, and saying I am backing her into a corner.
I had enough, and changed my phone number, I feel less anxious, but miss her so very much. I am worried about her, and find this no contact so very hard, after talking every day, for almost 2 yrs.
Just need some words of encouragement.
Thanks xxx

[CloseToFreedom]

Well, you have to decide for yourself. And no BPD is the same. But I'll tell you what happens when I send 'just one message'.

If I am painted black, which is always when I am discarted after a break up, she sends the most vile stuff back. That I'm unlovable, that I should just kill myself, that she's with another man, whatever. I get told to never contact her again.

Usually, after a few months of NC, I am painted white again and SHE reaches out. When they want, they reach out. You have a new number but if she really wanted to reach out she could write an email, right?

However, even when she does that, it never had any use. I would get love bombed for a few days or a few weeks and then the negativity came back again, resulting in another break up, if you can even call it a break up if you're not really together anymore. It never ended well for me.

I can understand your pain however, the missing of her. This is normal. Normal people miss their so. You are grieving, and kicking a nasty addiction to boot. If you keep up the no contact, this dreadful feeling will diminish over time. If you keep in contact, it might take way, way longer.

If I were you, I wouldn't get in contact, but you have to decide for yourself of course. Just my two cents.

[happendtome]

When people leave then there are probably 3 main reasons i think

a) they end relationship, because they had enough
b) its manipulation. To get better position in the relationship
c) they have found replacement

Now, i know its sad, but if you think about these possibilities then do you think you could change anything? Some things you could change, but it would take time and the best thing would be to leave her alone.
I would like to contact my ex too, but it just doesnt make sense. I cant change anything, i would only make things worse.

[Pencil sketch]

Thank You for you're replies, and of course, you are both right. It's been a huge struggle, trying to make sense of the chaos of the past 2 yrs, and for the first time, I am reading posts, and talking to people, who finally understand, it's quite overwhelming.
It is like slowly waking from a dream, I haven't seen her for such a long time, and we haven't really shared what a going on in our lives, yet the feelings are so strong.
She wanted me to move up north to be with her, she suggested suitable areas for me to live, I was going to transfer with my company, we drive out to see where it was, she wanted me to meet her kids, I was reluctant, but she assured and convinced me, it would work out. 'Can't wait for you to be under the same post code'
Said that all the time, she suffered from depression, and said she wouldn't need her meds  if I moved up.
24 hrs later, she ends it, keeps me hanging for 2 .months, and says she doesn't want me in her life, but keeps .messaging, she doesn't have my email address, so can't contact me.
This is so very hard, I know i should never get in touch again, I made all the right moves.for me, when does the heart catch up?

[WarOfRoses]

Consider yourself EXTREMELY lucky. She showed her true colours before you relocated. Bullet dodged!

Take every day as it comes and you will start to forget about her.

Stay strong.

[OLR1986]

Honestly, you should stick to NC. Its true what others have posted on here, I know how horrible it feels... Trust me, I have made the mistake of texting, expecting something that will show some light and love... It never does, what you get back will normally just be painful.

Give it some time... Let time heal, it always does. I have now been NC for about a month, and the difference I feel from week one (sad, depressed and in pain) to now a month later (Some pain, mild depression and moving forward).

You will get past this, keep moving ahead.

[Pencil sketch]

Thanks, I know you are all right, despite the pain she caused, I still care and worry about her, now the reflecting has started, I have written messages, and deleted them, I just cant press send. I suppose she has come back so many times, it's sinking in, that i will never see her again. It's been 2 weeks, and I don't miss the drama, or maybe i do.
Thanks for your continued support.

[zeus123]

You still care and worry about her but the relationship was TURBULENT, she ended it more than once, she would change suddenly and end it, she won't give you the reasons why and refuse to discuss it. She would give you the silent treatment and won't respond to your messages, she would get drunk and you get upset and so on... .ask yourself what is it exactly you want from her... ? Maybe it's time to look into your life and see as to why you got involved with someone who brought so much chaos and destruction into your world.