Wondering how much BP traits I possess

[ReplyAll]

My mother went to a counselor when I was really young after her grandfather died. That counselor suggested that she had BPD and suggested more therapy. She got very upset and called the counselor, "Crazy" and stopped going. Fast forward 20 some years and a counselor tells me that she believes that I have developmental trauma from my mother's sporadic and angry behavior that was always scary and inconsistent. I was talking to my counselor about a book I was reading called "The Body Keeps the Score" and how I identified with the stories/problems of abused kids in the book, but I didn't think that I was "actually" abused and I wonder if I repressed something. She jumped in almost immediately to say that the stories I have told her about my family and childhood leads her to think that my mother had BPD (I never told her that a counselor suggested that years ago). She went on to talk about how parents with BPD affect children and raising them. It was a huge paradigm shift and really reshapes how I see my depression (i.e. shame, guilt, low self esteem) and anxiety (fear, insecurity). So I am here to ask for advice for books, materials, etc to facilitate healing.

I'm also wondering how many BPD traits I show now because of my upbringing. Does anyone else wonder that?

[ReplyAll]

So, I haven't used a message board since I was a teen, so I wrote my intro asking for help before I saw all the groups that already have book recommendations and so on. My bad.

Looking forward to reading more on this message board. Already reading a lot that resonates with me.

[Struggles]

Welcome to the board.  Please don't apologize, I'm sure there are many members that will be along shortly with lots of recommendations.  Just wanted to say welcome, and I'm so sorry you have had to go through what you have went through. 

This board has been extremely helpful for just writing down how I feel, it's been extremely therapeutic and I've learned so much.  I'm sure you will find a wealth of knowledge here as well.

[HappyChappy]

Hey ReplyAll (like the name)

I understand your concern, I expect we have all thought about that at some time. But if you have experienced trauma, I would look into that. It maybe PTSD or C-PTSD, but either way there’s plenty of help and therapy for you. There are some threads on this forum (with stars) addressing that.

The most damaging characteristics of a PD are the lack of empathy, combined with a grandiose view of oneself. The other one being an inability to change. We can change, we do have empathy, so don’t worry about fleas. There is a section on here with reading lists and areas to focus on. Probably best to detail specific events or attributes you are struggling with, and then people can give you specific help. I found books on CBT and Therpaist worked best for me. But this website was best for feeling connected, for validation as well as tailored tips.

But we children of a BPD often tend to have more empathy than most and in my mind, are more of a danger to ourselves than others. The biggest lesson I learn't was to be good to myself. We were bread to serve our BPDs that we forget to help ourselves sometimes. Welcome to the forum, and feel free to ask questions. 

[bright_future_mama]

I often wonder the same thing.  My father and mother both have BPD (I know my mother does; my father is an addict and has a grandiose sense of self).  I am hyper paranoid that I have BPD or that I've passed on some horrible traits to my children.  It scares the heck out of me.