Looking for help...

[Bspace]

after reading walking on eggshells, I was so relieved that I am going crazy. My husband has BPD and I  love him dearly but i have been steadily losing my life. I'm afraid to leave the kids with him at all and I have very few friends left  and I can't confide in them. They would tell me to leave him and that's not what I want to do. However I bought the book as my first step toward getting help with this black cloud hanging over my head. My world is turning from bright vivid colors into all grey. I was so excited to hear that there was support for family members.

My husband turns to vodka to escape and often goes into irrational rages of anger that make no sense, I was coping with this by seperating my children - i.e. Taking them somewhere or putting them to bed early (often they happen at night) but now my 11 year old is getting more independent and wants to stay up later. She's getting sick of my excuses for her father and I am too. Help... .

Thank you for your help,

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi Bspace,



Welcome to the family! 

Indeed! Like many of us you have found your way to this supportive space after wandering around in a lot of confusion and pain. We're here to support! I never would have suspected that there was a support group for folks like us either! There are so many tools here to explore so really take your time in looking through all areas of the site that feel relevant. I have been here many months and I am still finding new and interesting things all the time that cause me to rethink and want to make adjustments in myself. There are lots of layers to this but there is a lot of hope here. I find I often go back and read the Success Stories at the top of this board, or even basic definitions over and over as I continue to search for ways to improve my understandings and responses to these issues.

Take care and keep posting your questions and thoughts. We all learn so much from each other when we engage each other and share our peer to peer insights and wisdom!

[Tattered Heart]

Hi Bspace,

Welcome

Sorry that things have been so difficult in your relationship. I'm glad you found us. We have a lot of great tools available for helping those of us in a BPD relationship learn new ways of communiating with our pwBPD. TO get you started here is a lesson on The Dos and DOn'ts of a BPD Relationship

She's getting sick of my excuses for her father and I am too. Help... .

I don't have children but I can imagine how hard it would be to be torn between protecting them and letting them understand what is going on. I would suggest that one thing to help her is to not make excuses for your H anymore. Don't complain about him to her, but something as simple as "Your dad is drunk. He drinks too much too often." could just open the space for her to feel like she has some understanding of what is going on. She knows that dad is drinking. She knows that he acts a certain way after drinking and it may be causing her confusion to hear his behavior explained away or excused.