Broken and Trying to See the Light

[HockeyDad10]

My son's journey with mental health challenges started very early (PTSD at 7). As he grew older, other issues became apparent. By 17 or so, addiction was next. My journey as "caregiver" during these issues has just mushroomed since he was a small boy. Now he is an adult and has multiple diagnosis (PTSD, BPD, Anxiety, Depression, Addiction).

My biggest frustration is with the mental health system. It seems to be so broken and unable to help people in this situation. Each time he goes into treatment (and he has been there many times) the therapy is the same - even if it didn't work in the past. I know it is up to him to commit to what he needs to do to get better - and avoid behaviors that make him worse. But how do you motivate someone who is mentally not able to recognize what he is doing is the problem? He has convinced himself that smoking marijuana is his "medicine" but eventually his BPD symptoms skyrocket during use. The current political and cultural push to legalize doesn't help since these messages convince him it really is medicine. I would be totally ok with him using it - as medicine from a legal source - if it helped and there were real studies that proved this hypothesis. These do not exist. I know I need more education about BPD since this diagnosis only recently occurred (after a suicide attempt). I am hoping this forum will help immensely.

I am at the point where my life is not my life anymore - and it hasn't been for over five years. It has affected my career choices and other major life decisions. I am in therapy and have been on and off for over 15 years (since the event that gave him the PTSD). I am sure others have similar stories of pain, anguish and frustration. I remain hopeful that there is a light in the future but it is very tough.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Huat]

Hello HockeyDad10 and welcome:

I've read this and your other posts and it sounds like your burden is heavy... .added to by the fact that you have limited access to your grandchild... .the ultimate hurt! 

We have a 40-yr history with our uBPD daughter.  We've experienced highs when her world was bright.  In a nano-second that could change, our relationship with her would plummet because something (what?) would set her off.  We, too, had our grandchildren used against us - used as pawns.  That is not only unfair to us as grandparents... .it is greatly unfair to those grandchildren!

I agree with your concerns about the use of marijuana.  While I am pretty sure our daughter does not smoke now, she did in her early teens.  I'm convinced that not all early, developing brains (nor adult brains) can come out of that experience unscathed.  I strongly suspect that, in her case, the effects were life-altering.

There are no answers, HockeyDad10.  This is an unwanted journey you and the rest of us here  happen to be on.  It is encouraging to read in another of your posts... ."my biggest realization is that I have to focus on myself."  That really is the key.  You are not being selfish when you think that.  You can't deal with any situation if you are already feeling defeated.  Passengers on a plane are instructed to put on their air mask first before looking after others.  Works for them... .works for us!

So... .hope participating on this forum is of a help to you.  No one in my family nor circle-of-friends could relate to my story.  What a relief it was to find out that there really were others walking in similar shoes.  Know that your posts are being read and they are of help to others.  You've hit on a great website... .lots of information... .links to more.

Hang in there, HockeyDad10!