substance abuse / stepdaughter / frustrations

[wikdstpmother]

 
not sure where to start.  me? im just a stepmother of a 23 yr old young woman who is deeply involved in drugs with her bf.  Her mother is such an enabler, giving her money on demand and even goes as far as taking her to get what she "needs" with broken promises from her to return home and stay clean.  My husband, her father, tries very hard to take the bull by the horn and save the day, only to be beaten down again and again. 
I read the Karpman's Life Drama Triangle, which brought me to this site.  I see my husband as the rescuer, persecutor and the victim.  I, myself, am only concerned with the health and safety of my husband. 
I am at lost at what to do, how to handle this and what i should be doing.  I am currently seeing a therapist for my own sanity. 
any feedback is appreciated.
wickedstepmother

[Struggles]

Hi and welcome,

I'm so sorry you and your husband are going through this.  Has your husband also considered going to therapy as well?  Because your step daughters mother is an enabler, she will continue to stay on the path she is on. 

We are currently in a similar situation with my MIL who is addicted to prescription pills, and we feel she is undiagnosed BPD because of her rage fits, saying and doing horrible things to her husband, grandchildren, children and their spouses.  We know the addiction has made it 10 times worse over the years and continues to spiral out of control. 

What we have tried to keep telling ourselves is that we cannot control the actions and the way she chooses to live her life, only the way we let it effect us.  Much easier said than done.  And in your and your husbands case it makes it harder because it's his child. 

I really suggest therapy for him as well for his sanity.  If he is hesitant maybe you could invite him in on a session with you to put some of the fears at bay. 

I really hope that you and your husband can find peace.  This is a wonderful place for support, and has been very therapeutic for me just to write down my feelings in a place where I know people understand because they are in similar situations.  Sending you lots of hope for a resolution.