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Author Topic: New member and I feel lost .  (Read 506 times)
.Lmh870
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Posts: 2


« on: November 07, 2017, 07:11:17 PM »

Thank You daddybear77 for direction.  I'll start with my  new partner  of 6 months  . He doesn't know I have BPD / bi/polar . I hide things well but it's getting to me now . Fear of abandonment so I'm shutting down and hiding away because he will leave me anyway . I'm having angry out burst mood swings and snapping at him . I'm ashamed of who I am and hate my self I'm lost and my family find it difficult to deal with me . I've been married a couple of times two children I can't seemed to make things work . I get upset like a  rocket and cant cool down i have suicide past tents . I just want to be normal . Eg my children's relationships with me are strained too . I guess its because of my past . Please help . Im 48 and no better than i was when i was 18 being diagnosed.
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JoeBPD81
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Gender: Male
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
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« Reply #1 on: November 08, 2017, 06:27:50 AM »

Hi, Lmh870 Welcome

I'm sorry you feel lost and you've been suffering for so long. I know you lose hope, and I know it feels like it will never change. But that doesn't mean it can't.

For a minute there, I though you were my girlfriend writing, I got a big scare. She could have written all that herself. Except the times don't match. Where we live there is no therapy available (DBT), so she is working by herself in DBT tools, and impressing everyone around her. Many days she is still angry as a volcano, and she hates herself and wants to die. But those moments last less and less. Some days she hates the tools with passion. But others, she admits that they work, and that they are good for her, not only for the ones aroud her. She had tried many things, and medication, and felt she was cursed forever, that she was a no-person, toxic... .You name it. I'm not saying her path is your path. But I say that this doesn't have to be your life forever. It can change, it can improve. It can be a life woth living.

It is a great step and a brave one to ask for help, and to want to do something about what causes you pain. I know things can seem so dark that we don't value that step, but it is a very important one. I'm really glad you did it.

This comunity, we are a group of sons, boyfriends, husbands, fathers, brothers (and the feminine equivalents) that we support and try to educate each other. So we understand better, and we don't hurt ourselves or our loved ones who suffer from BPD. We are no experts, nor therapists. And each of us has only limited experience with one person (Not two people, with or without BPD, are the same).

We are not trained, certified, prepared, or however you can call it, to help people who suffer, we can only be a sympathetic ear, and we share our experiences and mistakes in order to help others not to commit the same ones. I wish we could do more for people with BPD, here we all love someone with BPD, and we are against the stigma, and we wish there were many more resources (research, information, therapists, tools... .) for you. But we are in the asking side of that, with you, not in the giving side. We would love to be more than that, but we have to accept our llimitations, we would love to know everything there is to help you, but we are no experts, we are just family.

Here is a list of some resources for people suffering from BPD https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/Themes/default/welcome3.html There you can find more help specific to your pain.

Here, we would try to help your family and partner, to understand you and how to support you, to make sense of everything. So what you said, "my family find it difficult to deal with me" wouldn't be as difficult. And my experience shows that it is a good thing for the person with BPD too, it improves the life of the whole family. First we would listen to their concerns and experiences. And not all people can express that with compasion or even politeness. So we are always worry that people with BPD can be very hurt by comments from members (who think they are venting in a place where they don't hurt anyone). We talk about how we can be positive for the comunity, and not triggering to more suffering, that would be the last thing we want for you.

We know there is hope, we know it can get better. I hope you find the help you want and deserve, and you get to live the life that you want. You've already taken the first step towards that. Best of luck to you and your family.

Keep being brave and demanding the help you deserve.
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