Hello all,
Previously I have posted here seeking advice about whether or not to include my BPD future SIL as a bridesmaid in my wedding. I decided not to which went over mostly fine. My concern now is whether or not to invite her at all.
If anyone is interested in that post here is the link:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=310295.0To sum it up though and give an update I'll give you a few bullet points:
- She is 22 and frequently switches jobs
- She owes money (with no plans to pay it back) to several family members
- Is highly malicious with her comments to family and anyone she meets (criticizing her mother's weight/clothing//pretty much everything, her first comment to me after getting engaged was "it [the ring] looked way bigger in person!", openly making fun of grandparents at their expense, and many worse things)
- Sincerely asked us to move the date of our booked wedding because it coincided with the birthday of an ex boyfriend (they dated for less than two months) and she didn't want to be upset all day. She also wanted us to move locations because she wanted it to be in her state and not the state where my parents live only because she thinks that we spend too much time with my parents.
- This same ex took a picture of my chest without my knowledge and future MIL (who I considered myself to be very close with) has said I must have been seeing things. I absolutely was not. I think that she is desperate for SIL to have a happier life in some way and is making excuses to herself so she can believe that is what is happening. She does this with many other things in relation to SIL. The ex has also left her on the side of the road (no comment from MIL) to walk back to her house (a significant distance). Just found out yesterday that she is seriously considering getting back together with him.
- SIL wrote a Facebook message to FH after he asked her why she would get back with this person and the message made me furious. She insulted him several times and told him she no longer wanted to associate with "the person he has become". She also said that she doesn't know if his relationship (that's me) or his job that has made him into "this person" but she won't talk to him until he realizes that she is his sister and important and blah, blah, blah. She was talking to him about a week later with no apology/mention of anything about the event/message.
- Following the fight, MIL called FH crying about her only wish in life was for her kids to be close and how FH needs to try to like the ex even through everything he has done. She says he needs to be close with SIL regardless of how SIL treats him because "in the end, she's all you have" because "even though no one wants to think that they do, divorces do happen."
- I have continued to see a therapist about this and she has advised me to distance myself from SIL as far as possible.
Honestly at this point, I feel sick at the prospect of being in the same room as her. I am not a confrontational person and I would even go so far as to say I am a people-pleaser so I just do not know what to do. My fiance feels the same way I do but he is better at cutting himself off emotionally from this than I am. I am almost dreading my wedding day simply because I do not know what she is going to do or what type of scene she is going to cause. I don't want to invite her at all but I know that doing so would cause MIL to be furious and perhaps not even come herself, never mind keeping in contact with us. I just have to figure out if that would be worth it to me. I just don't know how to heal from this and get to my wedding without endless panic attacks. Everything but this has gone so well and I feel like I'm letting her overshadow it. I know it's only one day but I want to be able to truly enjoy it. Any thoughts/advice are more than appreciated. : )
