Tired..

[Kc26853n]

I’m walking on eggshells. And I used to be able to “mitigate” the BPD symptoms my SO has. However, his behavior is becoming more and more erratic and he’s so temperamental. Any little comment can set him off. I’m tired, physically, emotionally and financially spent. I don’t have any family and I think he banks on that. I’m headed to therapy on Saturday with a specialist but desperately need him to go as well. Sorry for rambling, I’m just tired.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi there Kc26853n,

Welcome to the family!



I am sorry to hear you are feeling so low and things are getting more extreme and harder to handle. Many of us have been there/are there as well! I know the longer the smooth times go I get lulled into thinking I have this under control, and then, boom, up comes another major explosion and I'm flattened again!

You say you have no family. Do you mean nearby or at all? Have you become very isolated in handling this? We're here, okay? I hope the counselor is also able to provide you some support. Have you known about your partner's BPD for a long time? What were you doing to mitigate things that no longer seems to be working? Has something increased his stress lately?

take care, pearlsw.

[Tattered Heart]

Hi KC,

 I'm sorry to hear that things are going downhill in you relationship. I'm glad that you are going to start seeing a therapist. Is your H open to therapy?

Did something change in your H's life around the time that he began to get more extreme?

We have a lot of great tools and lessons. You can find many of those on the right side of the page. To start you off, you might check out The Dos and Don'ts of a BPD Relationship . THis will give you a run down of some of the other skills workshops available for you. 

[virtualfriday]

I seem to do my best if I can find a way to not take any my SO BPD actions personal against me. Their flawed reality is that they really do feel the way they say and are not pretending or exaggerating, it is very likely that it is not my fault in any way but due to a malfunctioning thought process think otherwise... .sorry sounds like you already know this, I think I was just reminding myself out loud.

As soon as I break down and take them rationally and hold my SO responsible for their BPD issues  "the wheels fall off"  in our relationship. I have a mental closet packed tight with my SO BPD complications, hurt, ect  Once that closet door opens up, watch out as I am going to completely empty it and attempt to hang it all around her neck to free mine. My BPD significant other struggled with dealing with issues slowly one at a time and now I dropped a bomb in her lap... .I guess its time to start helping her put all of her BPD issues back in my mental closet.

[AskingWhy]

I seem to do my best if I can find a way to not take any my SO BPD actions personal against me. Their flawed reality is that they really do feel the way they say and are not pretending or exaggerating, it is very likely that it is not my fault in any way but due to a malfunctioning thought process think otherwise... .sorry sounds like you already know this, I think I was just reminding myself out loud.

As soon as I break down and take them rationally and hold my SO responsible for their BPD issues  "the wheels fall off"  in our relationship. I have a mental closet packed tight with my SO BPD complications, hurt, ect  Once that closet door opens up, watch out as I am going to completely empty it and attempt to hang it all around her neck to free mine. My BPD significant other struggled with dealing with issues slowly one at a time and now I dropped a bomb in her lap... .I guess its time to start helping her put all of her BPD issues back in my mental closet.

virtualfriday, this is excellent advice, and I often post this for members, too.  I suggest that spouses and partners of pwBPD not take things personally, as the actions of the pwBPD are not in anyway personal and a result of their dysregulation.

I like the metaphor of the your "mental closet" because it's a good way to describe what is happening with BPD. 

[virtualfriday]

virtualfriday, this is excellent advice, and I often post this for members, too.  I suggest that spouses and partners of pwBPD not take things personally, as the actions of the pwBPD are not in anyway personal and a result of their dysregulation.

I like the metaphor of the your "mental closet" because it's a good way to describe what is happening with BPD. 

Sometimes the closet just gets too full. I think I am doing great, I have infinite love for my spouse so i can just make an endless closet to hold all of "our" BPD stuff... .and then one day it fills up and the door wont shut letting all fall out. Instead of the phrase "my eyes are bigger than my stomach" its  "my heart thinks its more powerful than my brain"