Were you allowed to be ill ?

[HappyChappy]

My BPD would get angry if we were ill, simply say “You don’t look ill.” and send us to school, every time. She really did resent having to do things for her kids. On several occasions the school nurse got into arguments with her. Once I had red hot flue, and my BPD mom told the nurse I knew how to make my temperature go up. The nurse was trying to show her the thermometer but she refused to look.

On another occasion I had an asthma attack and was pleading to go to hospital, my BPD left me for 3 hours until my Dad got home and rushed me to hospital. Then my Dad took the flack for not taking me in sooner. 3 hours of feeling I was about to suffocate. I was very young and truly though I was going to die and it lasted for ever. I was fighting for ever breath. My BPD "mom" had told me many times she had an Aunt that died from asthma. Although she told me many lies designed to create F.O.G.

One thing that scares me to this day, is no one will believe me if I fall ill. Seeing how effortless my BPD batter away any such suggestion.
Also seeing how many people were scared of my mother, so never challenged her. To this day, I still do not go to the Drs when I should. I still get anxious no one will believe me if I become too ill. But now I have figured out why, its easing off.

So was anyone else denied health things, like visits to the Dr or other stuff ?

[isilme]

I was stuck between two extremes.

BPD mom liked me to be sick.  She enjoyed ferrying me to doctors, and by the time I was 14, was working to get me hooked on her favorite barbituates for my migraines and period pain *had she simply put me on the PIll, my pain would have decreased substantially, as would the migraines).  I was to be her little clone, and since she liked her meds way too much, I was to get to like them, too.  I spent much of my childhood taking care of her while she was zonked out on one thing or anything, staggering around, mixing sleeping pills and laxatives.

I WAS a sick kid, always prone to allergies and sinus infections, and have had pneumonia quite a few times in my life.  I don't really feel bad she took me when I was really sick - it was the trips to try to get me on her sleeping pills or always to the gyno that freaked me out.

BPD dad - once they divorced when I was 15, I was told it was weak to ever need a doctor, that I was just like my mother (which I very much did not want to be) and I was wasteful and needy to need to go tot he doctor and he didn't want to spend the money on me.  I saved my lunch money and babysitting money and bought NyQuil and Dayquil to help me get through school days.  I would pretty much lose my hearing in one ear every fall and spring, or my voice, or both, and my teachers must have known something was up - I was the only kid given permission to sleep in class.  They said since I could sleep through the lecture and still get As, it was allowed. 

He took me for a mandated physical when starting a new high school, got mad at my weight, and put me on a diet and forced me to ride an exercise bike for an hour a day.  It didn't help, I was always fat, but I was also mortified and embarrassed.  Yay.

To this day, in my 40s and NC with Dad since I was 19, and mom since my 30s, I feel guilty needing a sick day off work.  I got the flu one year, a really bad case in 2015, and no one wanted me at work since I was contagious.  I think THAT was when I finally felt okay calling in, and even now, even though I realize no one wants me to pass on whatever I picked up, I still feel guilty being at home on sick days. 

[Adventurelvr]

I definitely wasn’t allowed to be sick or when i was sick I didn’t get proper medical care. My uBPD mother hated my Jr. High school nurse and I’m pretty sure the nurse hated her because, while I didn’t get really sick often, when I did, I was normally at school doing everything I could to make it through the Day age 10-13 and the teachers would tell the nurse to call my parents because I had no idea how sick I was and just kept pushing through.

 Nurse forced got into a huge argument with my parents over the phone and was somehow able to force themvto get me in to have my broken finger x-rayed. Had many untreated sprained ankles I was hopping on one foot with or grinning and bearing the pain when I was 8. Begged uBPD mom to see the doctor but she brushed it off and felt like them giving me crutches and a brace wasn’t worth the visit even though it was super swollen and hurt even when I didn’t walk on it.

I got pneumonia when I was 11. My best friend had it too and was admitted to the hospital. I don’t think uBPD mom could stand taking care of me when I was sick so I was forced to not go to school by the Dr/school but left home alone at 11 with pneumonia. I remember passing out and talking myself through feeling weirdly dizzy. I told her and she ignored it. Of course now, in my 30s she likes regaling the story in conversation with others for attention about how worried she was. She fails to/is unable to acknowledge the reality.

Same thing when I was 15. Got the flu had a 104-105 temp and could barely walk I was so weak. She tells the story of how worried she was she would find me dead the next morning... .but at the time failed to take me to urgent care.

We had good insurance and mom was always carting my younger brothers off to the doctor, urgent care, or ER whenever she could (even if it wasn’t that serious) but I basically had to suck it up.

How horrible I felt made such an impact in those times and not being treated that now I struggle with major guilt and a lack of realization when I am actually sick. I feel bad about staying home and feel like I’m cheating using a sick day and at the same time question if I’m making up not feeling well when I am sick.

[vwbug]

Wow, I was not!  I did not know this was a thing among BPD parents.  I had to be sent home from school more than once because I should not have gone in the first place.  I got mono and it took over a week to be taken to a doctor.  And I was not allowed to miss any more school.  Whenever I was ill, I was told it was psychosomatic.  To this day, when I'm sick and actually diagnosed with something I feel like it is some kind of victory and validation!

[Sunfl0wer]

Yup, sickness was often not allowed. I had some serious injuries that were neglected until an outsider stepped in to take me to hospital.  Actually, it was really surprise sicknesses that were the big issue.  If I had a chronic issue, it sometimes got some notice as long as I was under 6.

There are times I have to intentionally remind myself to care for myself.  For example, this week I injured my foot.  I have to keep reminding myself to take the time to ice, elevate, etc. 

[unicorn2014]

My BPD would get angry if we were ill, simply say “You don’t look ill.” and send us to school, every time. She really did resent having to do things for her kids. On several occasions the school nurse got into arguments with her. Once I had red hot flue, and my BPD mom told the nurse I knew how to make my temperature go up. The nurse was trying to show her the thermometer but she refused to look.

On another occasion I had an asthma attack and was pleading to go to hospital, my BPD left me for 3 hours until my Dad got home and rushed me to hospital. Then my Dad took the flack for not taking me in sooner. 3 hours of feeling I was about to suffocate. I was very young and truly though I was going to die and it lasted for ever. I was fighting for ever breath. My BPD "mom" had told me many times she had an Aunt that died from asthma. Although she told me many lies designed to create F.O.G.

One thing that scares me to this day, is no one will believe me if I fall ill. Seeing how effortless my BPD batter away any such suggestion.
Also seeing how many people were scared of my mother, so never challenged her. To this day, I still do not go to the Drs when I should. I still get anxious no one will believe me if I become too ill. But now I have figured out why, its easing off.

So was anyone else denied health things, like visits to the Dr or other stuff ?

I am sorry you are going through that. While I was not denied health things, for my mom health was always a competition, even until this day. Yesterday I talked to my dad after I had to break plans due to illness and he told me my mom was sick too and working too. My mom has always prided herself on being better then other people and one of those ways she thinks she's better then other people is working while sick. I can see now she passed that on to me. I work in an industry where its very hard to find coverage when you're ill and I don't know the conditions of my mom's employment but I suspect its not the same. Even if it were, I try to find coverage for when I am sick, my mom does not.