Wondering whether son in law has BPD

[lilgma]

My daughter married last year and had a baby this spring.  My son in law has exhibited brief but intense episodes of jealousy over my interaction with my daughter for my first 2 visits.  In a 3rd visit, he showed the same intense jealousy, except that it was during an interaction with my grandchild.  He immediately justified this last emotional outburst up by implying that I potentially posed a safety problem for his family.    In other instances, he seems bent on controlling me tightly, criticizing that I'm too slow, too unconcerned, or lacking in common sense.  These comments are minor but frequent. 

He  has other attributes that give me concern.  Here is a list of just a few:  When driving, he exhibits rage out of proportion to the incident at hand.  He gives the finger to other drivers (or some similar behavior) or calls  911 to 'report' drivers whom he considers reckless.  (I have been his passenger a total of about 10 times, so I don't know how typical this behavior is.) He has a tendency to overspend, seemingly unaware of his limited means.   He alternates between hyperactive enthusiasm and sullenness; between graciousness and extreme rudeness.   He also has several minor crimes on his past record, among other things, but has not spent any jail time, from what I can tell. 

As far as I know he has never been diagnosed as BPD.  However, after researching on the web and finding BPD descriptions that uncannily describe some of his behaviors / personality traits, I am coming to the conclusion that he may have this disorder.

[Circle]

Hi lilgma,
Sounds like a distinct possibility that he has BPD.
Check out the whole list of clusters, at:

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/personality-disorders/symptoms-causes/syc-20354463

Either way, you have a lot to deal with, from the sound of it.
Reading the lessons in the right hand margins, of all the boards, is helpful. There is a lot of wisdom in them. Also, the different articles, accessible through the main pages are full of good stuff. Keep posting and reading other's posts too!

It's so difficult to be around BPD people; and so many of us are around them. There is nothing 'fair' about interacting with them. And, they shift everything onto others. It takes a mastering of our reactions, to deal with them. Hang in there, as you deal with all of this.

 
-Circle

[Turkish]

I've called 911 exactly once in my 34 years of driving,  when I saw a couple of guys drunk, high,  or just bad dudes pull up to another car during rush hour and throw a water bottle against another car.  So no,  I'd say that the 911 calls aren't typical. 

Inappropriate anger is one trait of BPD,  and males are typically more outward acting. 

More insight is here: https://bpdfamily.com/content/borderline-personality-disorder

The interactions with the baby seem frustrating and hurtful. Where is your daughter in all of this?