Thanksgiving was hard...

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

First of all:

I want to say that i'm grateful for everyone on this board and especially those that have replied to my past posts and helped support me.  I am sending my love back as corny as that might sound.

Second:

I struggled today because I have been NC for two months and one the ex's friends contacted me to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving.  However, despite me telling her previously that i didn't want to talk about my ex or know what was going on- she told me today that my ex has gone out on at least one date. 
I told her that I was contacted and didn't respond.  Just in case she is a "flying monkey" and reports back to my ex- I said only loving things toward my ex.  I said that I loved her enough to give her her freedom and let her date and be free like she wanted.   I told her "though i miss her of course". 

She asked me what her message was and I just said, that it was very vague and more of an adverstisement for one of her friends who is a singer.  The old friend said, "maybe that is her way of saying she misses you but I think you did the right thing by not responding because she is not capable of being in a relationship with anyone right now." 

So I guess it was good to know where i stand?  but I knew this is what she wanted.  What's odd is that she had liked my fb just about 4 days ago but nothing for today's Thanksgiving day message that I sent out.  I guess she was never consistent when i was in the relationship either.

Anyway, before hearing this i was struggling whether to break NC and say, "happy thanksgiving".  I felt like we had shared so much that maybe i could move to the "friend zone" with her.  But after hearing about the dating from her friend (which may have been a planned message? tell the friend who can't keep her mouth shut kind've thing) I just felt differently about sending that kind of message.

This still feels fresh to me so i'm going back and forth in my mind (which i have posted about before).

thanks for listening/ reading
Feedback: all or anyone who feels called to

[truthbeknown]

First of all:

I want to say that i'm grateful for everyone on this board and especially those that have replied to my past posts and helped support me.  I am sending my love back as corny as that might sound.

Second:

I struggled today because I have been NC for two months and one the ex's friends contacted me to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving.  However, despite me telling her previously that i didn't want to talk about my ex or know what was going on- she told me today that my ex has gone out on at least one date. 
I told her that I was contacted and didn't respond.  Just in case she is a "flying monkey" and reports back to my ex- I said only loving things toward my ex.  I said that I loved her enough to give her her freedom and let her date and be free like she wanted.   I told her "though i miss her of course". 

She asked me what her message was and I just said, that it was very vague and more of an adverstisement for one of her friends who is a singer.  The old friend said, "maybe that is her way of saying she misses you but I think you did the right thing by not responding because she is not capable of being in a relationship with anyone right now." 

So I guess it was good to know where i stand?  but I knew this is what she wanted.  What's odd is that she had liked my fb just about 4 days ago but nothing for today's Thanksgiving day message that I sent out.  I guess she was never consistent when i was in the relationship either.

Anyway, before hearing this i was struggling whether to break NC and say, "happy thanksgiving".  I felt like we had shared so much that maybe i could move to the "friend zone" with her.  But after hearing about the dating from her friend (which may have been a planned message? tell the friend who can't keep her mouth shut kind've thing) I just felt differently about sending that kind of message.

This still feels fresh to me so i'm going back and forth in my mind (which i have posted about before).

thanks for listening/ reading
Feedback: all or anyone who feels called to

[Inside]

... .that is fresh...

But you would receive forever justification ‘messages’ from your XBP if allowed ... .and a healthy mind will attempt to register or make sense of them ... .though their aim is always the same, to lure or prepare you for another round... .

‘I miss you’ ... .deep breath here...   Yes, everyone misses the wild ride! 

For years now I’ve read posts asking for ‘specific advice’ pertaining to behavior that can be largely categorized as ... .well known or typical...   As opposed to adding to the mix or prolonging the drama, my advice is to limit all contact with your BPX (period) 

Sounds cold, unconcerned, or perhaps unknowledgeable … but to me, it sounds all-too-familiar…  The tactics, game playing and never ending ploys to keep you/ us within their unstable lives vs. your/ our desire to help them. 

Well, if TG was hard, XMas will be even harder, especially for BP’s.  Their ability to create drama is one of few the things under ‘their control.’  But your ability to avoid it may be one of yours…  A longtime participant around here... it’s often pointed out how codependent our R/S’s can be.  I once resented what appeared to be an unwarranted accusation ... .but with further experience, it appears to have had merit.   

We either have the ability to learn from our mistakes and move on, or embrace them and remain involved.  We loved our BPDX’s, but their condition is permanent, thus their continued effect on us will remain the same.  Again, I suggest you move away, with strength, doing your best to ignore info and/ or her continuing attempts to find lasting love, and find your own.  Someone perhaps needing occasional and not continual support 

[once removed]

it sounds to me like the ice is thawing a bit for both of you, and that youre both open to a friendship, but that things are still understandably still raw for you, and you think now isnt the best time to open that door.

does that sound right?

[truthbeknown]

once removed:

I don't know about the ice thawing... .  I am very uncomfortable with this NC stuff but it's for my own protection because she is my Kriptonite.  I honestly know that I probably would either get sucked in for a recylce or just shot down again and feel like a HORSES _______.   One of my friends said it's like that old Charlie Brown video where Lucy is holding the football for Charlie to kick and she pulls it away. My freind reminded me that every time Lucy would assure Charlie that she wouldn't do and again.  And everytime he went to kick the ball she pulled it away again.  My ex like Lucy has a Sadistic side to her.  I have read that NPD has that. 

On a side note though, I think she may have Aspergers syndrome and they can seem like NPD or display BPD as well.  Doesn't make me want to run back for me but it helps me further to see it's a disease/disorder and that even if the odds were stacked in my favor it would be difficult.   With her mom still being alive and very Narcissistic ; the odds are very much stacked against me/us.

So I don't know if i can be anymore then fb friends.  The powerplay with that stresses me though.  Sometimes she likes a pic, sometimes she doesn't.  I start to look forward to her liking the pics.  Pretty bad huh?

Inside:

Yes I get what you are saying and i'm in the compassion stage but switching from feeling sorry for myself to feeling grateful that i had gotten out now.  Days like this make me wish i had the super power to cure this for all of us involved.  It's a terrible disorder.