4 years post divorce and BPD ex wife still won’t leave me alone, legally

[Jaguar1965]

Please help! I recently remarried (2montha ago) and my ex remarried a year ago.  She still won’t leave me alone and has been hounding me with her new lawyer. She has recently tried to reopen our 4 year old settlement agreement, tries to drag me back to court and now has me in mediation over minor child support increase (like $100 a month she thinks she is wntititles to) and other petty nonsense. It’s realky all about anger and her inability to let go and move on, despite her being remarried for more than a year (and my having remarried this summer). Can someone point me to a message board or forum where I can can some good advice about how to deal with this, take some control and gain closure? I spent $70k getting divorced,and have now spent $10k in the past 6 months on this utter insanity and I need it to stop before being driven to bankruptcy by her insatiable rage for a second time. Thank you! I apologize if there are any errors here - I am typing on my phone at the moment and cannot see the full breadth of the text field.  Thank you!

[hope2727]

I am so sorry you are enduring this, You are not alone. I found this web site and the link at the bottom to further reading quite helpful.

www.abuseandrelationships.org/Content/Behaviors/legal_abuse.html

I wish I had better advice. It is so disheartening when we think we are done and it just starts again. I hope are being kind to yourself. These things take a toll on our health and relationships. At least know you are not alone. Others here share your experience. Keep posting and keep reading.

[ForeverDad]

Generally you can't stop an ex from taking you to court.  And generally you can't stop a court from allowing a child support case to go forward.  Often CS cases are allowed every couple years to handle changed income levels, change in the number of covered kids, etc.  For example, you both have remarried.  Does your state allow the inclusion of spouses' incomes?  Does your state have calcs for step kids and what support they receive?  If so and if her spouse earns little and your spouse earns more, then household incomes may have changed depending on the various factors, incomes, number of children, amounts of support, etc.

So I guess the question is, does her claim have basis to make changes to the agreement or other CS rules?

I recall what happened a decade ago to a family friend who had a pre-teen daughter.  Her ex filed to stop CS based on the fact that he paid no income tax.  Well, I looked at her paperwork and while he didn't pay federal tax, he did have income.  But the guy figured that since he had enough work mileage to deduct that reduced his taxable income to zero, then his CS ought to be zero too.  I told her that domestic court ignored what taxes he did or didn't have to pay, it was calculated based on his income, not taxable income, and other factors.  She had to slog through the court process.