Update

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Update:
This morning, out of the blue since she's hardly spoken to me in months, she (uBPD) told me that she'd start weaning our year old child "after cold and flu season" ends.  That's "February or March" according to her.  She then said she and her 12 year old daughter would move out at the end of the school year.  I asked where she'd go, since she has no job or money, and she indicated they'd move in with her ex who lives about 15 minutes away.  She said our child should be able to go to pre-school and she'd spend "a couple hours" with him in the afternoons before returning to me at night.  She said he needs stability.  I was surprised by this, but didn't really know how to reply.  After all, she could change her mind by this afternoon.  Any thoughts on how I should approach this?  Try to get her to commit to something on paper now or down the road?  I'd still prefer to move with my son back to my home state so she's less likely to try to file for custody down the road.  And I'd still like her out of here sooner rather than later, because of how she's stressed me out to the point where each day is excruciating.

[hereforthefood]

Update:
This morning, out of the blue since she's hardly spoken to me in months, she (uBPD) told me that she'd start weaning our year old child "after cold and flu season" ends.  That's "February or March" according to her.  She then said she and her 12 year old daughter would move out at the end of the school year.  I asked where she'd go, since she has no job or money, and she indicated they'd move in with her ex who lives about 15 minutes away.  She said our child should be able to go to pre-school and she'd spend "a couple hours" with him in the afternoons before returning to me at night.  She said he needs stability.  I was surprised by this, but didn't really know how to reply.  After all, she could change her mind by this afternoon.  Any thoughts on how I should approach this?  Try to get her to commit to something on paper now or down the road?  I'd still prefer to move with my son back to my home state so she's less likely to try to file for custody down the road.  And I'd still like her out of here sooner rather than later, because of how she's stressed me out to the point where each day is excruciating.

[ForeverDad]

Breastfeeding has been used sometimes as an excuse not to allow the father more time.  But the fact is that millions of nursing mothers go to work and still manage to nurse.  How so?  They express their milk, preserve it in clean bottles in coolers, refrigerators or freezers, and pass it along at exchanges.  So from a practical perspective, breastfeeding is a non-issue.  It's actually an emotional one used to posture and delay changes that would have otherwise already happened.

[hereforthefood]

I understand that her decision to start weaning in a few months is more of a delay tactic.  I wish she word start sooner, but I feel like if I say anything to get her to speed up the timing then she may change her plan for the worse.  I don't know when or how to approach her with the idea of a custody agreement.  Should I wait until she's moved out?  Again, I'm worried she may change her mind and try to take our son when she moves out if she senses I want to be defined as primary.  I want to head back to my home state where I'll have a family support network in place and then bring him back for scheduled visits.  She has said on a few occasions she'd be ok with that, but I worry she may change her tune if she's faced with that possibility.  I'm walking on more egg shells.

[takingandsending]

hftf,

I think you definitely start some type of custody agreement before she moves out with your child. Otherwise, you could be fighting an uphill battle for access. As ForeverDad has stated to many of us before, the courts are likely to be more fair than your xBPD.

Understand you are on eggshells, and I was there too before I moved out. But I had to have an agreement (albeit not the one I should have sought in retrospect) before I would move out. It would have been too easy for my xw to just decide on a whim what suited her. Fear that for you, as well.

[ForeverDad]

I didn't say to end breastfeeding.  It's actually healthy for a child.  Even if she's away for a day or a few days, she can still pump or express her milk and store it.  It's just that you can't let her use it as a legal excuse to deny you more time with your child. Does that make sense?