Adult daughter- new diagnosis

[Chipsmom]

Not really sure where to start but an introduction is a good place.  My adult daughter has recently been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.  We as a family has been trying to get her help for years and finally she is getting help.  I am going through a mix of emotions, the largest angst is grief.  I feel the child I raised and hope will be has left me.  Our relationship has always been perilous.  Presently reading, "Walking on Eggshells" as this describes my life.  Just need to move on, so very hard to do.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Huat]

Hello Chipsmom... .and welcome!

You certainly have come to the right place to bare your soul... .to find you are not alone... .to have your feelings validated and not be judged for them.

My daughter (now 51) has never had "the" diagnosis of BPD.  While she has been to many counsellors since she was 12, none had the qualifications to make that judgment.  With that said, all the check marks are there.

So, in a way, it is a good thing of what you have been able to hear.  God knows there is so much more information now on dealing with BPD than in the past.  To the right  is a wealth of information to get you started on your journey... .and there are links to more.  Yes, you have your work cut out for you but you will find, by participating on this forum, you are not alone... .all is certainly not lost.

I hesitate in giving advice to anyone because, even though there may be similarities, all circumstances are different.  The one area in which I do break that rule is when it comes to us parents as individuals.   I really do speak from experience when I say we have to first look after ourselves before we can look after others.  Wishing for a life other than what we have is such a waste of time.  Someone who has lost a leg either gives up on life or learns to walk a different way... .and still gets enjoyment out of that life.

Yes, Chipsmom, it is hard to move on... .but it can be done.  This, your first post, will be read by many who will be nodding their heads and waiting to hear more on how you are doing on your journey.  I'm one of them.

[Chipsmom]

Thanks Huat for responding so quickly.  Yes, every circumstance is very much different.  My daughter is 30.  Our diagnosis did not come quickly as you said there was not a lot of information about BPD a long time ago.  I am presently seeing a counselor as well as she is.  The worst part is how much damage our relationship as mother and daughter has endured.  I was always the wicked, evil mom even though her childhood was perfectly normal.  I think sometimes that is the worst part since her childhood was normal, no big trauma to fully understand where this has evolved and come from.  Her psych says some individuals have a perfectly normal childhood and there is often no rhyme or reason.  She has painted this picture of her childhood that does not exist.