Lonely holidays

[itgetsbetter94]

There is already a thread about holidays, but for people who've been away from their former partners for quite some time and who obviously find joy and happiness in their freedom and absence of drama.

Can this one be for us who are still newly single and are facing lonely holidays with less enthusiasm them those above mentioned?

This will be my first lonely holidays in 5 years. My town got the world's prize for the best Advent for 2 years in a row, but I simply cringe when I see all the facebook posts and photos about that, as they are a reminder of my loneliness. I hope I'll sleep through Christmas and New Year. Tbh, I wish I could sleep through the entire winter and wake up in spring.

Every year, I decorated my apartment to greet holiday season. This year, I couldn't care less.

I'm sorry to be such a Debbie Downer, but where can I be honest and vulnerable if not here?

[ynwa]

Hey There itgetsbetter94,

Where is the rule book that says you have to do the "holidays" any particular way?  Yes, you might be single this year. But you have a chance to start new traditions, or memories. 

If like me you have lost a sense of how to do things "alone", or without someone it does seem pretty overwhelming right?   So do things slowly, at your speed.  Last year I got a small Snoopy House that held Christmas cards and that was my single christmas decoration.  This year I am going to get one more small thing. 

Make plans with friends and loved ones,  make a plan to make that time about THEM and YOU. 

None of us planned to be "single", we all went into our relationships thinking or rather never actually never giving a thought to being single.  We might have lost the concept of doing things without someone with us. And that is daunting, crappy and more. What we go through was "forced" on us, and we have to piece together our lives because of something we had no control over.

What I am trying to say is, try to be more in the moment.  I myself am horrible at it, but I am trying.  When I am with my friends and family, I try to put my heavy, darker self aside for the moment and just let myself enjoy what is going on.  Then I give myself time to feel those feelings, and know that I got through it, just a little bit.

I would end that maybe you should go to your friends and family and ask them for help through this.  Let them know how you are feeling?, and just ask for a hug and a smile?

[Wolfsocks]

I'm sorry to be such a Debbie Downer, but where can I be honest and vulnerable if not here?

I don't think you are a Debbie Downer. My ex-partner was a huge Christmas fan and basically EVERYTHING in this season reminds me of her. My only chance to enjoy Christmas again is to create a whole new set of different traditions... .I plan to attend a few singing events for example (my ex didn't like to sing that much). Maybe you could try something similar?

[SummerStorm]

I know exactly how you're feeling.  In past years, when I was painted black by my ex-friend, I could always count on reconciling with her on Christmas, and I really don't see that happening this year, for a number of reasons.  Still, I do sort of hope I do hear from her.  And if I don't, that will likely just bring me down.

I don't have any close friends, and I'm single, so hearing people at work go on and on about their holiday plans and what presents they're buying for their spouse and kids just makes me feel bad. 

I can also relate to what you said about wishing spring could just get here.  I suffer from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and always get depressed as soon as it starts getting dark out early and the temperature drops.  I'm an avid hiker and an amateur photographer, and while I have been going out to the trails every weekend, it's just not the same as in the spring or summer, when I can sit in the warm sun and read for hours after a picnic lunch or even in the early fall, when I can take pictures of all the beautiful foliage.

I wish I could offer some words of advice, but I'm struggling with the same thing.  Just hang in there.  We can get through this.