What will never be

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I am probably a better writer than artist, though I really respond to visual art and enjoy it.
I came across this article and it really touched me.  It portrays family love in its simple beauty.  Then it hit me, unless I do something drastic (and meaning exit my current marriage) this will never be real for me.
I don't know if there's a category on these forums for "needing to cry," but mods can move this there if they find it.

https://www.boredpanda.com/family-art-pascal-campion/

My heart goes out to those who can share the feeling that this is never what they can have, and I also joy for those who have found real everyday love in their lives.

[SamwizeGamgee]

I am probably a better writer than artist, though I really respond to visual art and enjoy it.
I came across this article and it really touched me.  It portrays family love in its simple beauty.  Then it hit me, unless I do something drastic (and meaning exit my current marriage) this will never be real for me.
I don't know if there's a category on these forums for "needing to cry," but mods can move this there if they find it.

https://www.boredpanda.com/family-art-pascal-campion/

My heart goes out to those who can share the feeling that this is never what they can have, and I also joy for those who have found real everyday love in their lives.

[Cat Familiar]

Samwize,
That is beautiful. Thanks for sharing it. Yes, it's certainly bittersweet to never experience most of these kinds of moments, though it's a blessing to know that others can.

I think that's one of the most heartbreaking things about BPD. For most of us, the relationships started with so much promise; we felt as though we had finally met our soulmates. Then, the reality set in and we realized we had married a phantom.

It's taken me a long time to get out of the bitterness and anger I felt about "being duped", but as I have reflected and learned more about BPD, I'm not so sure it was a conscious manipulation.

There are so many life choices and potentials; we certainly can hope for some things, but fate/reality often delivers us unasked for situations. I've learned so much and feel that I'm a much better/wiser person. I count my blessings in so many ways, but many are certainly not the gifts I sought.

Love and prayers that many of us can receive some of the daily life experiences so beautifully depicted by that artist.

Cat

[SamwizeGamgee]

One of my questions to myself is whether I’ve got a life to live outside of, and after, my marriage mistake.  I try to temper hope, but, the desire to love and be loved as the artist depicts is a strong and worthy  desire.

[Lucky Jim]

One of my questions to myself is whether I’ve got a life to live outside of, and after, my marriage mistake.  I try to temper hope, but, the desire to love and be loved as the artist depicts is a strong and worthy  desire.

Hey Samwize, YES!  There is life after marriage to a pwBPD, as I can attest.  You do have a life to live outside of, and subsequent to, your broken marriage.  Your desire to love and be loved is normal, so don't disregard it.  In fact, that's your goal, I suggest, so keep it foremost in your mind.  Maybe you could leave a post-it note somewhere to remind you to keep striving towards this goal.  You deserve it, my friend.

LJ

[Red5]

One of my questions to myself is whether I’ve got a life to live outside of, and after, my marriage mistake.  I try to temper hope, but, the desire to love and be loved as the artist depicts is a strong and worthy  desire.

@Sam, .(the desire to love and be loved as the artist depicts is a strong and worthy desire.) there is a good word for this... .and that word is resilience !

[1.the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness:]

I think we are all persons within a person... .as in, if you were left to yourself (left to your own devices), what would you do, would you be creative, loving of others, respect nature, try to make things better, improve your environment, and share your life works with others... .that art you shared is very powerful to look at, in a good and healthy way... .Lucky Jim is correct, there is always life, "after life"... .what was the line from the movie, "nature always finds a way"... .what ever path you decide to take, I am sure you will find happiness, look at the life lessons you have learned so far on your path. I am sure you will utilize these learnt lesson in a positive direction, to assure your future success and happiness. v/r Red5

[forlorn]

Oh, my.  Those illustrations were beautiful and unbearable. I could see myself in them, but with the knowledge that the moments were more fragile than glass, just waiting to be shattered by the wrong word, the wrong gesture, the wrong... .me.

[ozmatoz]

Thank you for sharing. I so desperately wanted to have this in my marriage.

I look at the picture of the artist and his wife, and you can almost feel the genuine love they share.

[notjustus2]

What I wouldn't give for that.  That was beautiful.

[yeeter]

imo, a healthy piece of getting yourself in position to make decisions on your relationship, is the GRIEVING process.  That is, the traditional stages of grief over the knowledge that you will never have the type of relationship you want (a normal one!) with a person that has a disorder.

I believe the steps are something like:  denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.

Most of us are in some stage of this.  Once you get to acceptance, you can make better and more clear decisions.

But yes, you will never have that type of relationship.  You can have some other type of relationship, but not what you might see as ideal.

 

[Cat Familiar]

When you consider the divorce rate, the rate of mental illness, and all the other life stressors out there, I suspect there are not many people whose lives can be depicted in such a beautiful way.

It's almost like a fairytale, beautiful to behold, but one wonders, does it really exist? I suppose for some. And that's wonderful to know that it's possible for some of our fellow humans to know this reality.

And maybe for all of us, to have moments in time like this. Just a reminder to be grateful every day.

[misterblister]

Nice share.

This one puts tears in my eyes (and wipes them with laughter too): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zo_nrcKUffw

That's because I had a mentally healthy g/f whom I dumped for my uBPDw wife. While some of it may have been puppy love that may have grown stale eventually, she adored me with no hidden agenda, no secret spite, no assumptions of evil. She was kind and gentle.

I am man enough now to own my failures that took me down this path, including failures due to immaturity, lust, weakness to social pressure, and character misjudgement, but sometimes you just look out a window and wonder what the hell happened?

I really believed love would conquer and purify all. Now I almost believe love is just a brief chemical trance designed to create more life.