Been almost a year

[Ragnarok4]

Its always hard for people during this time of year for most adults. I'm sure for most, this was the best time of year to look forward to as a kid. First let me say that those that are on these threads and feel lonely during this time of year... .You are not alone!

Its been almost a year since the breakup of my ex who is I believe an undiagnosed BPD. She's clearly moved on and has a new bf but I have never had a wound so deep. I think about her all the time but I know everything we had was never real or genuine.

I'm more upset with myself in how I've been taking all of this and self loathing thats just exhausting. I try to stay busy, keep working, read books, lots of prayer and bible study... .but I keep getting bitter about it and it slowly turns into anger. I know she'll never come back, it would never be the same and worse of all, she won't even remember.

Rejection and abandonment truly is some of the most enduring pain one could face. I don't ever wish this on the worse of anyones enemies.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Ragnarok4, You're right, this is a tough time of year for most of us.  I suggest treating yourself with care and compassion, instead of self-loathing.  Don't beat yourself up!  You're human, like the rest of us.  The Bible doesn't expressly say, Love Thyself, but to me that is the starting point for one's recovery.  Can you honestly say that you can love and accept yourself just the way you are?  If not, maybe you have more work to do, which is OK.  I'm sorry you are in so much pain, yet it can lead to new growth, which is a good thing!

LuckyJim

[Ragnarok4]

Hey Ragnarok4, You're right, this is a tough time of year for most of us.  I suggest treating yourself with care and compassion, instead of self-loathing.  Don't beat yourself up!  You're human, like the rest of us.  The Bible doesn't expressly say, Love Thyself, but to me that is the starting point for one's recovery.  Can you honestly say that you can love and accept yourself just the way you are?  If not, maybe you have more work to do, which is OK.  I'm sorry you are in so much pain, yet it can lead to new growth, which is a good thing!

LuckyJim

Oh yeah I can definitely accept that about myself. I have a lot to be thankful for to be honest. But its still tough, knowing and seeing thru social media how fast she moved on and didn't try to reconcile. There's always more work to do. Like you said, I'm human like the rest of us.

[Cire155]

Its been almost a year since the breakup of my ex who is I believe an undiagnosed BPD. She's clearly moved on and has a new bf but I have never had a wound so deep. I think about her all the time but I know everything we had was never real or genuine.

I'm more upset with myself in how I've been taking all of this and self loathing thats just exhausting. I try to stay busy, keep working, read books, lots of prayer and bible study... .but I keep getting bitter about it and it slowly turns into anger. I know she'll never come back, it would never be the same and worse of all, she won't even remember.

I think about my ex everyday. It's more of a I acknowledge I'm not totally over you but I know you are toxic for me. I think about the good and then I think about the bad. Every time I start to feel vulnerable to those happy times, I think about the things she has done and I give myself that pep talk " Why would you let someone treat you like a doormat?" "I deserve someone who can treat me the way I should be treated"
Its like what LuckyJim said "... Maybe you have more work to do". I believe so too. There is no timeline when you get to a point of 100% being healed from this. Remember that this illness doesn't know who you are. Its thrives on sucking the soul from you. What you see on social media is the illness getting a fresh soul to suck on. DON'T TAKE IT PERSONAL! Now its time to get you out the fog and from under the spell and work on you. Trust me you will be better than ever.

[Lucky Jim]

Oh yeah I can definitely accept that about myself. I have a lot to be thankful for to be honest.

Hey Ragnarok, No doubt it is tough, and social media doesn't help.  Let me ask you another question: if you can accept yourself as you are, and are grateful for much in your life, why do you think you are experiencing thoughts/feelings of self-loathing?  My suggestion: don't beat yourself up!

LJ

[Ragnarok4]

I think about my ex everyday. It's more of a I acknowledge I'm not totally over you but I know you are toxic for me. I think about the good and then I think about the bad. Every time I start to feel vulnerable to those happy times, I think about the things she has done and I give myself that pep talk " Why would you let someone treat you like a doormat?" "I deserve someone who can treat me the way I should be treated"
Its like what LuckyJim said "... Maybe you have more work to do". I believe so too. There is no timeline when you get to a point of 100% being healed from this. Remember that this illness doesn't know who you are. Its thrives on sucking the soul from you. What you see on social media is the illness getting a fresh soul to suck on. DON'T TAKE IT PERSONAL! Now its time to get you out the fog and from under the spell and work on you. Trust me you will be better than ever.

Well there's no doubt I need more work to do and I'm ok with that. The one thing I do need to work on is reminding myself of the toxicity that she is to me and how she threw our life away without remorse. The fog is hard to clear up this time of the year. I just finished working an event this evening and it was tough bc I thought I would run into her and her new bf. 

[Ragnarok4]

Hey Ragnarok, No doubt it is tough, and social media doesn't help.  Let me ask you another question: if you can accept yourself as you are, and are grateful for much in your life, why do you think you are experiencing thoughts/feelings of self-loathing?  My suggestion: don't beat yourself up!

LJ

No social media is the worst but I had to turn it back on bc it helps me with my business. Plus its great to connect to friends that are far away. I actually use it to the best of its intentions but sometimes the lonely times makes you turn the wrong gears in your head.

This is one of the worst breakups I've ever had to deal with. I'm an empathetic person so I take things pretty hard. I'm just having a hard time accepting the unmet expectation I've had about this but your right. I need to stop beating myself up.