Writing this bloody statement for court is going to be the death of me

[Lalathegreat]

So that might have been a little dramatic... .

But I simply cannot find the words. And most of you have probably noticed that I ALWAYS have words. But figuring out what to say that encapsulates my truth without including things I feel would send the wrong message has left me completely flumoxed.

Monday I started the process by opening a word document and just letting it rip. The thoughts that poured out ran the gamut from “I’m sorry that I knew you were mentally ill and decompensating and couldn’t figure out how to help you”, to “f*ck you!” (Hey, it was free writing... .doesn’t have to be eloquent!  )

Then I closed THAT document and opened the one to start writing the thoughts I feel fully comfortable sharing. And suddenly my entire statement was: “Thank you for the opportunity to be heard. I want the court to know that on the other side of the events of that day is a real person. I am a mother and a friend. As a result of (insert name)’s actions on July 12th I was damaged both physically and emotionally in ways I can only hope to fully recover from.”

And then crickets... .

Do I detail the boring physical details and talk about how next week I go in for my 3rd reconstructive procedure? Do I even touch the history of the entire relationship and the way it gutted me emotionally? Is it the worst idea to acknowledge that despite how damaged *I* have been, that a part of me still feels desperately sorry that I didn’t know how to help him?”

In the category of could things possibly get hairier, Friday is also my school’s Christmas pageant. As the only pianist on staff, I always get accompaniest honors. So if I decide to attend sentencing in person, it will mean going to work in the morning, getting through the Christmas chapel,  having my assistant teacher take over for the afternoon, and praying that there’s no traffic in Seattle on a Friday afternoon.

So you know, no stress... .

Anyways, if you guys have any thoughts whatsoever I would love to hear them. I’m starting to feel a little unhinged over here!

Lala

[babyducks]

Hi LaLa,

I would imagine that writing your statement for court must be wildly difficult.  Beyond belief difficult.

I have a practical suggestion if you don't mind.     Use a pen and paper.    Or pencil and paper.    It's not as weird as it sounds.    scientists have shown us that writing with pen and paper uses different neurological pathways than typing.   I would guess it has something to do with the speed of how you convey the message,   pen being slower,   and the act of concentrating on penmanship.    When I am particularly stuck on crafting thoughts I use a felt tip marker and 'paint' the letters.   I guess it warms up the creative side of the brain as opposed to the mechanical side of the brain? 

Hey it's worth a shot.   

'ducks

[Cat Familiar]

“Thank you for the opportunity to be heard. I want the court to know that on the other side of the events of that day is a real person. I am a mother and a friend. As a result of (insert name)’s actions on July 12th I was damaged both physically and emotionally in ways I can only hope to fully recover from.”

Do I detail the boring physical details and talk about how next week I go in for my 3rd reconstructive procedure? Do I even touch the history of the entire relationship and the way it gutted me emotionally? Is it the worst idea to acknowledge that despite how damaged *I* have been, that a part of me still feels desperately sorry that I didn’t know how to help him?”

Great start. Yes, and yes.

I think the court needs to hear exactly what you've been going through and what awaits you. Surgery is no fun (I know from personal experience), and to explicitly detail what you've been through is totally appropriate, and you'll know how much you feel comfortable sharing. This needs to be documented otherwise it might be construed as a simple fistfight with a bloody nose.

Why not tell how much you've been emotionally impacted? That's certainly a big part of the story. And how you tried so hard to help him.

This is your time to share your truth, which you've been doing here so eloquently. I think it will be an important part of your healing process.   

[Sunfl0wer]

Thinking this all sounds like good ideas.
Maybe the point is to help make what happened “real” for everyone.  Sometimes the court language tends to depersonalize the acts in a way.  Maybe to put a face and a human to it all... .is what is helpful?  Show the person behind this who was affected is real, someone we can empathize with and gain a bit of what your experience was... .let you have a voice about the imapact to you.

[flourdust]

Yes, tell your story. You wrote a lot of it here -- use that if you need help finding the words.

[Fian]

When it comes to communicating, I think it is important to remember your audience.  What do they want to learn.  In the case of the court, I believe they want to know 2 things:
1.  A detailed description of the assault.  Did he do it?  It sounds like you did not witness the assault as he attacked you from behind, but give what you know.  The part you know best is the motive behind the assault.  You were leaving him, and he couldn't stand that.  Giving the court a clear motive is an important part of building a case.
2.  How have you suffered as a result of the attack?  This goes to sentencing.  Here I would give a list of every day you spent in the hospital, every procedure you had to undergo.  How have you been permanently disabled as a result of the attack.  You mentioned emotional as well.  Give concrete examples of how you behave differently as a result of the attack.

I think number two is the part the court is going to care about the most.  They already have enough evidence that he did it, but you can put a face to the pain he caused.

One final thought.  You are concerned about sending the wrong message.  My advice is to just tell the truth.  If you are trying to craft the message so that he appears to be in the worst possible light, then I think that makes you a little less believable.  If some parts of your story make him a little sympathetic, that is fine.  Just focus on telling the truth.

[GaGrl]

Absolutely, retail both the physical and emotional. Then add the consequences to YOU. I

 "As a result of this physical damage, I continue to deal with... .and will have years ahead of treatment, etc. As a result of the emotional damage, I have PTSD, etc. etc... ."

[Panda39]

If you are comfortable with the idea, when you have a draft that is getting near where you want it to be you might share it (or excerpts) here for feedback from the peanut gallery  (speaking as a peanut )

Panda39

[Cat Familiar]

How did it go Lala?