In the words of those with BPD. From the BPD perspective.

[HappyChappy]

The following link takes you to a professionally presented and vetted blogs from 78 people with personality disorders. I found understanding things from the perspective of a BPD helped me forgive my BPD.

It comes from a highly successful campaign in the UK, aimed at raising awareness of mental health in general. Backed by loads of famous people, including Royalty  (the son’s of Lady Di, would you believe).  I would be interested in your views.

https://www.time-to-change.org.uk/category/blog/personality-disorders

*apologies if I’ve stuck this in the wrong place.

[toomanydogs]

I'm too early in the healing process to appreciate the stories of those with BPD.

TMD

[Pilpel]

I totally respect those people who realize that they have a problem and are truly appreciative of people's patience and they want to get better and improve the way they relate to people.  The PD person in my life I'm pretty is more of a NPD and maybe a touch OCPD, than BPD.  I wonder if BPDs are more likely to come to the truth that they have a disorder than someone with NPD.  The NPD in my life I think is trying to do good in her own way. She tries in her own way to talk about things.  But she rarely shows any awareness that she has a problem.  Her narcissistic view of the world is so much a part of who she is, I can't imagine her coming out and realizing and admitting that she is the one with a problem, or to be aware that other people have been extending grace and kindness to her over the years. 

[Notwendy]

I just glanced at a few, and to me they sound like victim perspective- the mental health system needs to change, people need to change, attitudes need to change. Two posters used the term "in my corner". Reminds me of my BPD mother who categorizes people as on her side or not on her side.

I didn't read much past the few first posts. I guess my wish for someone struggling with BPD would be to say things like " How do I reconcile with my family?" "How do I stop behaving in hurtful ways to others?"  but then, if someone could say that, perhaps they wouldn't have BPD.

I agree that there needs to be support and understanding for people with this condition. However, perhaps it is because of this victim perspective that it seems that love and understanding are hard to be perceived.

[Kwamina]

Thanks for sharing this with us HappyChappy! I think it can be enlightening reading stories like this as it can sometimes help us get a better understanding of the thoughts and emotions people with BPD deal with.

I just glanced at a few, and to me they sound like victim perspective- the mental health system needs to change, people need to change, attitudes need to change. Two posters used the term "in my corner". Reminds me of my BPD mother who categorizes people as on her side or not on her side.

I didn't read much past the few first posts.

I understand where you are coming from Notwendy.

I read one of those 'in my corner' posts and when I read the whole thing I see she's talking about having a support network in place, especially during her greatest struggles, which is indeed very important in the healing process as we also often say on our own site.

I think it's important for us to keep in mind that just as our own bpdfamily can be triggering to people with BPD, reading posts from BPD people can also be triggering for us family-members and relationship partners of people with BPD.

The Mindful Parrot

[Cire155]

I read a couple of the stories and they each tell the same story of trying to gather sympathy for the illness and to stop a twisted view on the internal struggle they go through. While I have sympathy on how they arrived to this state, we can't overlook the destructive nature of these people with this illness. I know these blogs are from the BPD perspective but what about the families, spouses, or ex lovers of the people who were put through the wringer from this illness? How come those stories aren't listed of the cheating, lies, and manipulation these pwBPD have done? Each story I read (11 of them so far) have all mentioned them being called a liar, manipulative, and selfish but never told stories on how they ended up being called these things. To me its a cop out. I get it because its " their" website to bring attention to to the illness. In this community we share so many stories of ourselves and the pwBPD and they seem to be honest heartfelt stories. In most cases we have taken blame being nons for things we might have done wrong and for things we should have never taken blame for. Where are their detailed stories? They can't do it. IMO its almost the way a rapist tells me about their dysfunctional childhood and forgets to tell the stories of the rapes they have
committed. Where are the collateral damage stories? The taking ownership of saying " Yes when I felt lonely and pushed my husband away I would sleep with random strangers to fill that void" Not saying all pwBPD do this but acknowledge the WHY BPD gets such a bad reputation. I just don't like them trying to be the victim in these stories on being misunderstood. Most of these blogs looks just like some of the exchanges I had with my exBPD and while I get why they ended up this way, I don't see the need to continue reading the stories if they don't narrate the TRUTH or detail accounts on why people feel the way they do about pwBPD. This is just the way I feel. 

[Notwendy]

Kwamina- I completely agree that this posts from pwBPD can be triggering. Although I understand the need to be empathetic and understanding, I've extended that to my BPD mother  and have learned to accept that she can not reciprocate this kind of support.

Because she is my mother, I do my best to be empathetic, but when I read that board of perspectives from others- people who I know are hurting and need empathy, I feel I don't have much tolerance- not because I am insensitive or not caring, but because I have experienced the other side of their situation and find it difficult to read their perspectives.

I do think we need good mental health services - for pwBPD and other disorders and their families and people who love them. I also understand that pwBPD can be difficult cases for therapists. Hopefully we will see more successes with treatment for BPD in the future.  

I do not think pwBPD are terrible people and believe that they wish they didn't have their struggles and would like to have better relationships with others. Sadly, their condition leads to them feeling as if their own pain is being caused by the people they love the most.

[Kwamina]

I do think we need good mental health services - for pwBPD and other disorders and their families and people who love them. I also understand that pwBPD can be difficult cases for therapists. Hopefully we will see more successes with treatment for BPD in the future.  

I hope so too. Another thing that comes to mind is that many of our members (including me) only have experience with BPD people who aren't diagnosed or don't acknowledge their diagnosis, never have been treated or aren't committed to treatment etc. Unfortunately we often only get to experience that side of the BPD story. For me personally it would have made a tremendous difference if for instance my mother had acknowledged or was able to acknowledge her issues and had committed to therapy to try and better manage her difficult thoughts and emotions. Regardless of the outcomes, whether it be succes or failure or something in between, just that acknowledgement alone and seeing someone work very hard to try and better manage their condition would have made a huge difference. That's a side of the BPD story I did not get to experience though.

[Notwendy]

My mother has seen multiple psychiatrists over the years. I believe she is diagnosed, but does not accept it or make the connection between her behavior and the effect it has on the people closest to her.

I know that not much info about BPD during my parents' early years of marriage. Her disorder was a big secret. Nobody spoke of it and she blamed everyone else for it- her kids, my father.

Eventually kids catch on that something is different. Coming home from school, we didn't know what to expect when we walked in. The kind of mom our friends seemed to have or an angry raging mother who was tearing the house apart. We watched her trash the kitchen, break dishes, scream at us and more.

Yet, the adults in our lives pretended nothing was going on. "You must have provoked her". Her FOO insisting that we have a wonderful mother. My parents pretending the next day that what we saw and heard didn't happen and we better not mention it.

If my mother ( and my parents) had acknowledged that she has a disorder, then therapy might have been successful, but she did not. Therapy was not successful with her- I don't know the details but suspect it is because of her denial.

[HappyChappy]

it would have made a tremendous difference if for instance my mother had acknowledged or was able to acknowledge her issues and had committed to therapy... .just that acknowledgement alone

Exactly this. Kwamina you have the wisdom of an Owl. For me, a big frustration in my upbringing was all the denial and avoidance, that kept the status quo, kept the abuse alive. When I noticed comedy shows and music I loved was referring openly to the subject a glimmer of hope, a chink of light shone.

This website, in my view, is part of the solution. If my BPD had admitted she had it, life would almost certainly have been better. Also reading these blogs and managing not to turn the air blue with expletives, tells me I’ve come a long way. Tells me I’m ready to date Angelia Jollie (again).