My wife has moved out with the children

[kilbour8]

Hello, my wife has BPD or similar personality disorder and is resistant to therapy.  She recently moved out with the children, blaming the small town which I moved us to and now is back isolating herself in a small farmhouse in a town where I formerly worked. I can give more of the story as we move along but it is really complex and BPD related.  At least this is a start.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Radcliff]

Hello kilbour8, I am sorry to hear that your wife has separated from you and taken the kids.  It sounds like the current situation is very difficult, and that there is likely a long and difficult history leading up to it.  Welcome to the boards.  You will find many people here who have lived with the difficulties of a BPD relationship and can understand more than others what you are going through.

Tell us a little more about your specific situation.  How old are your kids?  Did your wife take them out of school and move them back to their old school?  How far apart are your two households?  Have you been able to visit your children? 

Have you consulted a lawyer about custody issues?  Consulting a lawyer does not mean you want a divorce.  That is why many prefer to call them "family lawyers" instead of "divorce lawyers."  If you ask around and interview several, you should be able to find one who will support your goals for your family and who can also advise you on important things to consider.  They may advise things for you to do sooner rather than later in order to preserve your ability to spend as much time with your children as possible, especially if the marriage troubles were to continue or get worse.  They might advise things like spending as much time with your kids as possible and keeping a journal of all of your parenting, they might suggest a formal custody arrangement, etc. -- it depends on your specific situation and your goals.  This all may sound complicated, but it's worth having a first meeting with a few lawyers in order to learn about this now.  You should drive things according to your goals, but you will need some expert advice.

Welcome again.  Let us know about those questions above.  bpdfamily is a great place to learn and get support as you navigate through this tough time.

WW

[pearlsw]

Hi kilbour8,

Yes, it's a start! We're here and we're listening. We've all been through a lot. Keep updating your post and let us know what's going on.

take care, pearlsw.