Careful first step

[Depression = 72% of members]

This is way outside of my comfort zone. I'm sure like many others here, I have lived in a situation that would be viewed as completely unbelievable by outsiders. My significant other has been formally diagnosed with BPD. The diagnosis is something I came upon quite by accident, but it has set in motion the usual stages of grieving and many, many hours of research. That research has led me here.

First it was a relief to see so many things I've notice over the years. I finally felt like someone else understood. Then it became harder to see a life with my significant other moving forward. The disease was so all encompassing and powerful. The fact that we can't talk about it, is alienating. The fact that all of our friends do not see the same thing I see. They've already heard the stories from the other side. Stories as we here can probably agree are just that, stories. Divorce is not an option to me, because we have a young child. The things I've read about children involved in divorces like these, are chilling.

So, I'm here.

Today, I don't feel that I am in a place that can be of help to the board in general. But I hope that in time, I can encourage others that are dealing with similar circumstances. Until then, I offer my humble hand of friendship and hope for a brighter future.

[taxedaspen]

This is way outside of my comfort zone. I'm sure like many others here, I have lived in a situation that would be viewed as completely unbelievable by outsiders. My significant other has been formally diagnosed with BPD. The diagnosis is something I came upon quite by accident, but it has set in motion the usual stages of grieving and many, many hours of research. That research has led me here.

First it was a relief to see so many things I've notice over the years. I finally felt like someone else understood. Then it became harder to see a life with my significant other moving forward. The disease was so all encompassing and powerful. The fact that we can't talk about it, is alienating. The fact that all of our friends do not see the same thing I see. They've already heard the stories from the other side. Stories as we here can probably agree are just that, stories. Divorce is not an option to me, because we have a young child. The things I've read about children involved in divorces like these, are chilling.

So, I'm here.

Today, I don't feel that I am in a place that can be of help to the board in general. But I hope that in time, I can encourage others that are dealing with similar circumstances. Until then, I offer my humble hand of friendship and hope for a brighter future.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi taxedaspen,

  Look forward to hearing more from you when you feel ready!

Just want to acknowledge that it can be quite a shock when we first realize that these issues we are facing have a name... .I think it is also a great relief to know we are not alone in facing them.

Do I understand correctly that although your partner has a diagnosis and you do not feel that you can talk about it together?

wishing you well, pearlsw.

[Tattered Heart]

Welcome

You have found a great place for support. Can you tell us a little more about what has been going on in your relationship that brought you here?

Finding out the diagnosis of BPD can really help to put a name on it. Like you, I also went through a period of grieving (and still do at times) knowing that my H may never be cured. But there is hope. This board can help you find new ways of communicating and looking at your own response to your pwBPD that can change the course of how you view your relationship. Looking forward to learning more about you.

[RolandOfEld]

Hi taxedaspen. You are me two months ago, just learning my wife had BPD or BPD traits and feeling as though reality has just split down the middle. Life suddenly becomes much more real, but much scarier as you realize the person in the bed next to you has a mental illness and you can't really talk to them the way you thought you could before. Suddenly there's this gulf between you and one you love, and you question yourself for ever having that love in the first place. And the thought of how its effecting the children can more painful than anything else.

This must be very hard for you, especially with kids. But I can tell you there is hope. You begin to understand all of the chaos you've been through and see you're not a bad person or the person your SO makes you out to be. You start to set real boundaries in your relationship for the first time. As you make progress, she might too, or she might not. But you become more yourself and you see that there is a future, whether its with your SO or not. 

I hope this board can be a source of support and guidance to you as it has been to me.