uBPDex Diagnosing Children

[scraps66]

How many have dealt with/experienced this?  Your ex with a debilitating undiagnosed personality disorder having strong opinions on what is wrong with your child.  It's frightening to me.  My ex completely and blatantly sidestepped a court-ordered psychological evaluation but seems to think she is qualified to diagnose our S13.  And now go down the road of seeing a psychiatrist and administering medications. 

[hereforthefood]

Sounds familiar to me.  My soon to be ex uBPD has 17 and 12 year old kids, in addition to our year old child.  She was opposed to her 17 year old going to speak with a therapist and dragged her feet until a couple of months ago.  She's not having anything to do with the appointments and even cancelled one for no reason.  She told him (and then the therapist) that he had anger issues, which is partly true, but didn't see the main reason was her treatment of him (silence, no-win situations, instability, telling him she doesn't love him, etc.) and her other issues related to BPD.  She's still blind to it or hasn't been able to admit it.  The irony is amazing when she has repeatedly asked him, "What's the common denominator in all of your problems?" 

[Turkish]

I agreed to let then S6 be evaluated for autism.  I handled him find.  His mom had trouble,  in addition to projecting her anxieties.  Then he was diagnosed with ASD1 (Asperger's).

As the child of a BPD (and other things) mother,  I was sent to therapy when I was 13. It was supposed to be family counseling,  but my mother abandoned it after the first appointment.  I said a certain thing,  my mother leaned across the couch and said,  "I do not do that!" I looked to the T for a rescue.  Or anything.  Nothing. 

The subsequent 6 or 7 appointments by myself,  I sidestepped any queries and talked about myself.  I was an old soul at 13 and had no trouble controlling the situation.  I posited that I couldn't trust the T not to tell my mom after which I'd be punished.  If I'd told the truth,  my mom might have gone to jail. 

I'm relating my experience as a 13 year old to communicate what might be going through a teen mind (afraid to tell the truth,  afraid of pissing off a parent).

If I were a dad to my 13 year old self,  I could only say,  "be honest with the T and I'll back you up."

With the whole ASD thing and the in home therapy since March, I felt like they were missinga crucial part of the story.  Only the last ABA tech noted that S7 tended to act up more at mom's house than mine.

Is medication really being floated right now scraps?

[scraps66]

Is medication really being floated right now scraps?

No.  Your story of youth is similar to how I see my S13s going.  He is feeling, and has for a long time, feeling obligated to pick up mother's views and opinions - classic BP driven parentification.  Ex has S13 so brainwashed, he has started wearing clothes identical to uexBPD's boyfriend, apparently loves to eat the bf's cooking, but makes little effort eating the meals I cook even if I make the same things, almost looks as if he is trying to be unhappy when with me.

Things have progressed.  S13 carried a knife to school two weeks ago to address an apparent bullying incident.  So now has started a whirlwind of activity.

One of the knee jerk reactions is taking S13 to a psychiatrist for medications with his impulsivity.  We're not evening seeing a therapist of any kind right now.  I had counseled ex about what the process should be, go see a psychologist who would then work with a psychiatrist to determine if medications are needed.  Ex is going right to medication.  So my paranoia is peaked - ex has been medicated with anti-depressants and adderral for ADHD (not sure if this is her dx as she in recent times has denied being ADHD) all of which she was getting filled with a script from her ob-gyn. 

So now she again tells me, she feels he is exhibiting ADHD-like symptoms and anxiety - and these should be addressed with meds.  Through our work with the advocate, she has taken strong opposition to S13 being anything but autistic (asperer's).  Though on the contrary, we have three separate dx's of ODD, disruptive disorder and anxiety related diagnoses.  The other than autistic dx's appear to be triggers for her, with the first she claimed, "he is not ODD," with tears in her eyes.  In the time since, I see her trying to create S into being what she wants him to be smart and Asperger's.  She puts inordinate pressure on him to get As in school, hyper controlling of his activities such as his viola lessons, and fanatical about his reading.  These are traits of high-functioning autistic children, but these may be a façade created by ex for S13. 

So, no, I don't feel the meds are being considered correctly.  Going through old reports, I notice ex's family history has never been fully considered in his diagnoses. This would have been provided by mother.