Haven’t posted in a while. Find myself reading the boards lately. Walked away from my 6 year BPD over 3 years ago. My life got so much better. Went to therapy, worked on myself for a year and a half. In a new relationship no. We have been together for 2 years. No drama none of the BPD stuff. The last two months I feel like I am going backwards. I am so angry about everything. After I left my BPD I worked hard and got my life back. I loved everything about it. Lately I don’t like anything. I hate my job, I miss my BPD. I am mad her life looks so perfect. I know it’s not but it looks it and I hate it. I just feel that after 3 years isn’t it all suppose to be behind me. I am so tired of struggling with this. When does it all go away? When will this part of my past just be a distant memory? I have learned and grown. It needs to go away.
I recently separated from my wife, lived together for almost 10 years married for almost 6. My wife asked for a divorce back in August after a really bad fight that involved her mother. Labor Day weekend while she was at her mother's I hung a ton of pictures on the wall in our bedroom from when we were younger, bought flowers, had our song playing, wrote a card about not wasting this, etc.
When she came home all she wanted to do was talk about a text my sister sent her the night before about us needing to grow up and move on. I didn't know about BPD at the time, but she reacted very poorly to this with her abandonment kicking in and that's all she could talk about after I had spent hours doing this. At that moment I literally thought she was insane.
Having said that, the more important point is this. When I was hanging all these pictures of us looking like we were happy and having a ton of fun, I knew a lot of it was very fake because there were ridiculous arguments we had that she started before and after those pictures were taken.
We have a 4 year old boy, I couldn't be more attracted to her, she has given me that child like love for 10 years that can be amazing at times, but at the same time I wasn't lying to myself when I was doing this for her knowing there are serious issues in our relationship and a million reasons why I should no longer want to be with her.
My wife took my replacement on a trip that we had scheduled during a 10 day charm/recycle back in October after I had finally retained my attorney and her abandonment kicked in. My wife sent me a text the other night that in a couple years they will be happily married with 2 children of their own which would mean she'd have to get pregnant before the divorce. She wanted me to pick up a delivery at our house since she's out of town, when I refused and said she should come home a night earlier instead of staying at her boyfriend's she said ", why didn't I think of that."
We don't even have a separation agreement yet, we started in a relationship when we both had nothing, we have a 10 year old, I have never cheated on her ever with another woman and she has not only turned me off but she's rubbing my nose in this white trash fairy tale of hers.
I'm sure they will be posting a ton of pictures at some point looking like they have found their soul mate but I know after 10 years of dealing with this woman that the greatest revenge ever would be that these two dive into a marriage and have children. He's a narcissist with PTSD from Afghanistan and she's a high functioning full blown BPD with severe abandonment issues. They will end up killing each other.
