How am I supposed to feel?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

It's been 74 days since I've last talk to with my uBPDexGF. The last conversation that I had with her was nothing but her rubbing the new guy that she's seeing in my face, how they're always together, and how she isn't even sure if she should be talking to me because he searches through her phone (they JUST met). All I wanted at the time was to make peace, get some kind of closure, and maybe even become friends with her. I honestly didn't know what I've done to deserve the way that she treated and I didn't even know about BPD or being painted black. She annoyed me so much that day that I vowed to go NC and just work on myself.

I just recently I met an awesome girl and we're starting to hit it off pretty well. I'm not being love bombed, so, so far so good. She invited me to hang out during the weekend and I accepted. This would be the first time that I've went out on a date since my ex left me 4 months ago. As I'm getting ready to go out on this date I received a text from my ex saying "In case this is still your phone number and you remember my existence, I might have lupus and I need a medical analysis. It's also my sisters birthday today. Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you and your family with lots of love".

I don't know what kind of person this makes me but I simply read the message, processed it for a second, then continued on with what I was doing. I think that if she is really suffering from this disease that it's very unfortunate, but I just couldn't really make myself pity her more than I already do. By no means am I an insensitive person, but I simply was just way too focused on my date and hoping everything goes well. I also found it kind of funny that she decides to lay this text me on the day that I feel like I'm finally a potential partner and making her a distant memory.

It seems to me that she expects me to say something by the way she just mentions that she may have lupus, but I'm not going to give in to it. Her birthday is also next weekend and I was already debating with myself on whether or not I should wish her a happy birthday. She's caused me so much pain with no remorse. She didn't care about the amount of times I broke down and cried, how many days of work missed, how I couldn't sleep, or barely eat. She called me a bad person and brought me to the lowest point of my life just on a random day when all I wanted to do was talk about how our days were going and to make her laugh.

I think I'm going down the right path, but sometimes I think to myself if I would regret not talking to her ever again. She still has a place in my heart, but her instability caused me more pain than any person has ever made me feel.

[gr1ngo]

It's been 74 days since I've last talk to with my uBPDexGF. The last conversation that I had with her was nothing but her rubbing the new guy that she's seeing in my face, how they're always together, and how she isn't even sure if she should be talking to me because he searches through her phone (they JUST met). All I wanted at the time was to make peace, get some kind of closure, and maybe even become friends with her. I honestly didn't know what I've done to deserve the way that she treated and I didn't even know about BPD or being painted black. She annoyed me so much that day that I vowed to go NC and just work on myself.

I just recently I met an awesome girl and we're starting to hit it off pretty well. I'm not being love bombed, so, so far so good. She invited me to hang out during the weekend and I accepted. This would be the first time that I've went out on a date since my ex left me 4 months ago. As I'm getting ready to go out on this date I received a text from my ex saying "In case this is still your phone number and you remember my existence, I might have lupus and I need a medical analysis. It's also my sisters birthday today. Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you and your family with lots of love".

I don't know what kind of person this makes me but I simply read the message, processed it for a second, then continued on with what I was doing. I think that if she is really suffering from this disease that it's very unfortunate, but I just couldn't really make myself pity her more than I already do. By no means am I an insensitive person, but I simply was just way too focused on my date and hoping everything goes well. I also found it kind of funny that she decides to lay this text me on the day that I feel like I'm finally a potential partner and making her a distant memory.

It seems to me that she expects me to say something by the way she just mentions that she may have lupus, but I'm not going to give in to it. Her birthday is also next weekend and I was already debating with myself on whether or not I should wish her a happy birthday. She's caused me so much pain with no remorse. She didn't care about the amount of times I broke down and cried, how many days of work missed, how I couldn't sleep, or barely eat. She called me a bad person and brought me to the lowest point of my life just on a random day when all I wanted to do was talk about how our days were going and to make her laugh.

I think I'm going down the right path, but sometimes I think to myself if I would regret not talking to her ever again. She still has a place in my heart, but her instability caused me more pain than any person has ever made me feel.

[LegioXX Victrix]

that is what they do.

My suggestion is get yourself a therapist, work on boundaries and identify the how and why you were attracted to you gf.

Usually after we own our own junk dealing with the debris of your relationship with a BPD becomes an easier path to travel. It has taken me 4 years to heal and I hated every step, but I am better for it.

[Mutt]

Hi gr1ngo,

It helps to learn the behaviours - she acts the way that she acts for a reason. Depersonalize the behaviours and become i different to them. She’s a borderline waif she’s not cognizant of how she talks solicits guilty feelings from others. You’re not responsible for someone else’s feelings.

BPD BEHAVIORS: Waif, Hermit, Queen, and Witch